I've been watching, aghast, all of the compiled Clips of Sarah. Sarah with Couric. Sarah with Hannity. Sarah with Gibson. Sarah on foreign policy. Sarah on the economy. Sarah, always, on John McCain the Maverick (TM). And like everyone else commenting on the clattering noise that comes out of her mouth, I'm stunned, embarrassed and horrified that this woman is standing on our national stage. Who does she represent? And then it hits too close to home.
I grew up in a charismatic church. I watched the videos of Sarah's favorite witch-hunting pastor and it looked like my church. Right down to the red carpet and pews. The pastor sounded like the visiting pastors that would come to my church and tell us amazing stories about missionary work, about the spirit of God moving in the world. And the words of that pastor, praying for Sarah Palin, sounded exactly like so many prayers I heard from the pulpit as a child. "Lord, make Sarah an instrument of your will. Send your spirit to be her voice, to be her words in this national election."
And that's when it struck me. All the millions of good people around the country today that must be praying for Sarah, and frankly, praying for a miracle.
I'm not going to disparage these people, or their beliefs. They are literally my family, my childhood friends, and many I still look up to for the faith they hold daily in their lives that makes them better people. But holy crap. If God's will has been done putting this woman on the national stage, what's his end game?
For a charismatic Christian like Sarah Palin, speaking in tongues is a normal occurrence--the holy spirit literally puts words in your mouth, which almost no one else can understand but the faithful. It's an ecstatic mysticism, although they would never frame it that way, and it's taken as a sign of God's presence.
But I find myself asking, thinking of these millions of good Christians who believe God's will is being done through Sarah Palin--if the holy spirit can make us speak in tongues, if God is answering their prayers and becoming Sarah's voice--why isn't he inspiring her to say something, Anything, intelligible--just as Paul so often proclaimed? She literally sounds when she's speaking on camera as if she's warming up the engine for God, throwing out words to prime the pump and let the spirit take over and arrange all those clattering boxcars into a straight line, a moving train of meaning and purpose. Not my will but yours, God, take over these words. God?
And that leaves me asking the kinds of questions that make me no longer welcome company for many Christians. If God put Sarah in this position, and now she's tanking, why? Why isn't God speaking to the whole world through her, since that's what everyone's praying for? Is it Sarah's fault? Is it Satan's fault? Or, as I tend to believe in my own faith, is it that God simply doesn't micromanage on the level so many would like to believe. Maybe Sarah isn't the instrument you want her to be. Maybe God's will isn't what you want to believe it should be. Maybe she's just a small town hockey-mom who is ambitious, telegenic, and a convenient vessel for the hopes of a lot ordinary people, as well as a lot of very cynical politicians.
And maybe. Just maybe. This is God's will. And he's going to make an example out of Sarah Palin. Give her a testimony to tell some day about how what you think is God's will is really a projection of your own desire. And how fast and how hard it can all come crashing down.