My friends, John McCain is in trouble!! He won't look his adversary in the eye. His adversary has a bracelet, too. People aren't seeing that his adversary just doesn't get it. Most of all though, his runner-up Miss Alas...um...his Vice Presidential running mate, Sarah Palin, has been...um...less than pleasin' to his base. Let's go below the fold to see if we can help John out of this debacle!!
[update] NOW with badly shopped image!
My friends, this is a crisis! Sarah Palin just CAN'T debate. How can we make this a "win" for John McCain, because we need to post our SARAH PALIN WINS DEBATE ad as soon as we can. Our crisis is, we don't want her to show up at the Vice Presidential debate (don't tell anyone, but it's looking like she's got very little between the ears..shhhhhh), so we need excuses, and we need them NOW...let me just start this little brainstorm of excuses why Sarah can't make her debate. But I can't do this alone, my friends, I need your help. Let's compile this list together, then send it on to the McCain Straight Talk Express so we can celebrate Sarah's debate victory FROM MONDAY!!!
-Her pitbull ate her debate notes.
-She was Miss Congeniality, and John McCain WASN'T, and this is NOT a Miss Congeniality contest.
-She is going to go on Letterman instead, to calm Dave down.
-Oh, she has flute lessons at that time and she REALLY can't miss that appointment.
-She needs to get back to Alaska to watch for Putin comin' over her airspace.
-Learnin' about the job from Dick Cheney himself! No time for debatin'.
-Shorin' up her Wikipedia entry to make sure all the facts are straight.
-Her preacher needed to clear some witches out of all the crackhouses in Wassila, so she had ta be there.
-The fungibleness of earmarked oil will lead to more job creation which will secure our protection of resources that put country first before the old boys network. She needs to be there to do what is necessary to make sure that happens, whatever it is.
OK country-firsters! GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!