For those who spent the last four evenings engaged in more productive endeavors than watching the GOP convention, self-flagellation perhaps, or reorganizing your betamax movie collection, below is a handy-dandy Cliff Notes guide to what you missed.
John McCain was a POW.
Even in the halls of Gooperville George W. Bush is the fart in the elevator...no one will claim him, everyone moves away from his stink.
Due to the abbreviated schedule, Wednesday became 'Mock Community Organizer Day,' and Thursday was spent ridiculing teachers and union members. Unfortunately the anti-Kitten, ice cream, and adorable toddler jihad was postponed until 2012.
The urban legend claiming that any person who endured the entirety of Fred Thompson's speech will die within 24 hours of viewing it can not be disproven as no one did.
John McCain was a POW.
Who is this 'Vice President Cheney' you speak of?
Mitt Romney's hair had a bad person day.
Marge Gunderson + Tracy Flick = Sarah Palin
Leading the Alaskan National Guard is a postion requiring an individual with the combined military skills of Eisenhower, Hannibal, and Patrick Swayze in Red Dawn.
What is this 'economy' you speak of?
My friends, stick with me on this Joycian trip of circular logic:
...change from business as usual in D.C. means electing the insider from the party in charge who created the need for change from business as usual in D.C. means electing... (repeat ad absurdum)
Got it? Then maybe you can swallow this:
Being a Mayor of a town that could fit 5 times over in New Comiskey Park for 2 years is greater than 4 years of experience in the U.S. Senate from the 5th most populus state in the union is less than 22 years of experience in the U.S. Senate from the 16th most populus state in the union is not equal to a member of the Washington elite.
John McCain was a POW.
Hey, look at Mike Huckabee! He's kind of funny so he might be a different kind of--no wait, he's a lying dick also.
The GOP convention had all the flair of actvity night at the old folks home. When McCain said the word 'before' in his speech the Utah delegation jumped up and yelled 'Bingo!'
John McCain is an imperfect servant of this country, if by imperfect you mean pig headed, retrograde and wrong and by country you mean John McCain.
In the case of McCain, Thompson, Giuliani, Romney et al vs. the Corpse of Ronald Reagan the verdict came back in less than five minutes. All were found guilty of necrophilia.
Asking Joe Lieberman to speak at your convention is like mailing yourself a letter bomb. Enjoy him Republicans, he is all yours now beeyatches!
John McCain was a POW.
John McCain should not be presented behind a solid background.
John McCain should not smile.
John McCain should not speak.
The saying you are looking for is lipstick on a pig Sarah, not pit bull.
A hurricane to open the convention, the Dow crashes 350 points on the last day....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REPUBLICANS, FOR A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO TEND TO SEE JESUS BURNT IN THEIR TOAST WHAT OTHER SIGNS DO YOU NEED?