Danh-dinh-denh-DANNNN (din-din, din-din, din)
Dunh-dunh-DUNH-din-DUNH-DUNH (din-din, din-din-Dinh)
Dunh-dunh-DUNH-dunn-DINH-DINN
DANN, DENN, DUNN, DANN-DANNNNNNNNNNNNN....
Dunh-dinn-dinn-DANN-DIN-DANN!
Gang, it's the beginning of the fourth quarter, and we are two points behind.
But we have the ball. NOW.
They cannot wring anything more out of their last play. They brought the clumsy but popular rookie on the field, and she had some real loud, drunken fans in the cheap seats from out of town cheering for her, and they moved the ball forward. But her lack of skills on the field convinced the coach to bench her except for the easy plays. So her crowd will still be obnoxious and jeering, making mature comments from the top of the bleachers, like putting the "L-loser" symbol on their forehead with whatever hand they have free, the other one holding a cup of skunked-out bootlegged Anchorage Beast.
But we have the ball. NOW.
Our quarterback is the best educated, best equipped, best prepared. And he absolutely hates to lose. Our defensive captain, an old vet, likes to throw the body hits into the opponent as a way of showing whose house they are visiting. Oh yes, indeed, this is a HOME game for us, but one that won't win itself. The crowd is more or less on our side, but we had a couple of losing seasons of late, and going 9-7 last year won't satisfy them this year. Half of the fans want our owners defenestrated. Fortunately, our coaches seem to be running very smart plays, with few clock foul-ups and avoiding hits for delay of game (unlike our opponents.)
But we have the ball. NOW.
So what are we going to do?
Are we going to prance around and hope that a win will fall from the football gods? Or will we extract a win the way that a tax collector pulls taxes or a dentist removed a wisdom tooth, by going in their faces and TAKING IT?
How do we do it?
Well, we are on this team, folks. We are on it.
Some of us play "doorknocker." Some are very good on the phone. Some are good with maps and markers and logistics. Some of us don't really feel comfortable in the intense social environments, but can work quietly and happily on a stack of envelopes. Some don't want direct contact with anyone, but will gladly play shuttle driver. Some are true angels and will keep outside workers well-supplied with coffee. Some will deliver yard signs and stickers to the local faithful. Some are skilled enough to teach these skills. (Some may ideally write about these skills and others here.)
Some will want to support the campaign through online advocacy (duh.) Some will be "white hat truth squads" to kill internet rumors among family and friends. Some will be the ratfuckers (sorry, a technical term if you are offended) and as pastordan noted so well a few weeks ago, these rats won't fuck themselves.
Sometimes football games are won and lost off of good and bad plays by the linemen, the players least likely (after special teams players) to get in the limelight regularly. Sometimes only the coach's tape later will show how great blocking beat great tackling by a fraction of a percentage point six, seven, eight times, yielding a 9 point delta and a win or a loss, but one that lacks drama.
Our opposing team has trick plays and some experience, but they have been making some screw-ups (e.g. wearing their jocks on the outside of their pants, I mean using a lime-jello-with-carrots green screen, then a blue screen of near-death experience, then a picture of a random middle school mistaken by their "pro-military" campaign for the most famous DoD medical facility of the last 70 years.) But we cannot count on them putting their jocks on the outside of their pants forever. These rats won't fuck themselves.
In the end, we must protect this house. We MUST protect this house. It is so unbelievably offensive that they would play the stupid shit trash ball and call it good sportsmanship. We need to clothesline these bastards when they invade our house. We need to send a few of them to the trainer and not apologize for hitting hard. If it means we get an occasional penalty, we will cope. Better that than surrendering this house.
What is this house? Two and a quarter centuries of the spirit of limited government, due process of law and moral progress. We MUST protect this house.
It's the top of the fourth quarter. We have played well. We are two points behind. But we have the ball. NOW.
Are you ready for some football?