On second thought, I'll pass. I prefer to stay somewhat grounded in reality.
Yesterday, my mom received a letter from the Republican Party of Minnesota, asking her to become a Sustaining Member. (Emphasis mine)
There are a few things, in the letter, that I found to be quite amusing, and I will attempt to dissect them below.
The one thing I know for sure is that they are barking up the wrong tree by asking my mother for money.
The letter starts out harmless enough.
Dear XXXXXX,
(no that's not her name)
As you can see, they can be polite. Although, if they had done their homework I'm sure the opening of the letter would have read something like this:
Dear Union Member Scumbag,
As I write this letter to you, we still cannot say who will be declared the ultimate and final winner of last November's U.S. Senate race. But here's what we DO know:
Oh please enlighten us, with your infinite wisdom. Please?
* Our friend, Norm Coleman, won(Emphasis theirs) a razor-thin victory on Election Day
True. Once the polls closed they did project Norm as the winner. However, as we all know, the margin of victory was less than half of a percent, which triggered the mandatory Statewide recount.
* Liberal Democrat Al Franken has resorted to taking extraordinary measures(Emphasis theirs) to overturn Norm's victory.
By extreme measures, I'm sure they mean following the laws of Minnesota, and ensuring that all the votes were counted. God forbid, if that were to happen. I mean. Where would this country be if, after an election, all of the votes were counted, and the person who received the most were declared the winner?
Here's where they start asking for money.
It's clear that Minnesota is a toss-up state where either party can win.
With the help of the Google, I found that in the last 10 Presidential elections Minnesota Red once back in 1972.
And it's the outstanding support of our Sustaining Members that allows our Republican Party of Minnesota to compete with the Democrats and their deep-pocketed left-wing allies.
The party of old money, and even older ideas, complaining about the rich, elitist Democrats. (Pot, meet Kettle.)
We need your money now because,
In the next election, DFLers will be back with revenge on their minds.
Yes, we are plotting our revenge, in our secret underground lair, on a far-off tropical island, with a skull carved into the face of its volcano.Mwah ha ha haaaaaaaa!
Governor Tim Pawlenty will be in their crosshairs...
God-damned right!
...and we can't rest on our laurels for even a minute.
Please, come on in and have a seat. Would you care for a drink? Feel free to take a nice long nap.
They go on about how the Dems targeted Kline, Paulsen, and Bachmann's Mouth's on Overdrive, and how we tried to reach a veto-proof majority to override
Gov. Pawlenty's common-sense fiscal conservatism.
You know, take funding from Health and Human Services to help balance the budget.
Blah, blah, blah...
... our Republican Party of Minnesota met the DFL's hired guns, bogus polls, sleazy ads, vicious attacks, and gutter tactics(Emphasis mine)with the best 87-county grassroots organization Minnesotans have ever seen.
Really? The Republicans won Minnesota? Where the hell was I? Ahh, it must have been my week to guard the secret island headquarters.
I love opening the mail and finding gems like this, as they always make me laugh, and laughter is always the best medicine.
I now leave you all with a joke.
Three men die, and are standing at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says to the men, "If you you can show me something that reminds me of Christmas, you may pass through the gates."
The first man pulls out his keys, and starts jingling them.
St. Peter asks, "What is that supposed to be?" and the man replies,
"Christmas bells."
St. Peter lets him pass.
The second man pulls out his lighter and lights it.
St. Peter asks, "What is that?"
The man says "Christmas lights." and is allowed in.
The third man reaches into hi pocket, and pulls out a pair of panties.
St. Peter asks, "And what are those supposed to be?" and the man replies,
"These?" "Well, these are Carol's!"