From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Earlier This Morning on Cable Access Ch. 2:
"Thank you for joining us today at Sloppy Sally's Saloon and Rib Shack for the first GOP debate of the 2012 campaign. I'm your moderator, Joe the Plumber, and let's get right to it. Governor Romney, you won the game of beer pong so you get the first question: President Obama's action to close the prison at Guantanamo within a year has been praised by nations around the world and a majority of citizens here at home. I think it's stupid! What's your opinion on that?"
"Well, first let me say that although I did win the game of beer pong fair and square, I did not drink the beer. Now, as for Guantanamo..."
"Oh, look at Mister Goody Two Shoes! I didn’t drink the beer! I didn’t drink the beer!!! Give it a rest, Mother Teresa."
"Sarah...Sarah, please don’t interrupt me, you'll get your turn to speak..."
"These rules suck! I was on the ticket, I should get to go first. It's not fair, also!"
"My friends... My friends..."
"Oh fer Chrissakes, you're running again???"
"No, my friends. I'm just lonely and I thought I'd stop by for the early bird special."
"Well, thanks for nothin', pal! I'd be sittin' in the hot tub at the vice president's mansion right now if it hadn’t been for you, ya big loser!"
"Folks, if we don't stop this bickering we won’t have a chance in hell of winning. Please..."
"Oh, Governor Jindal says we should all be civilized and 'on-message' also. I'll see you in the parking lot after this is over, you turkey-necked little..."
"If I could just add that on nine-eleven I was..."
"SHUT UP, RUDY!"
"Well, it's 2am and I see we're about to be preempted by an infomercial for ShamWOW. A reminder to all of our candidates about the separate checks---Governor Huckabee, get back in here and pay for your pork rinds! I'm Joe the Plumber. Thank you for watching and have a great day!"
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Note: Today's music is provided by the Maine Gay Men's Frozen Testicle Chorus.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Valentine's Day: 18
Days `til the Ely Winter Festival in Minnesota: 10
Drop in generic drug prices between 9/07 and 9/08: -2.7%
Percent chance that the drop was in large part due to price negotiating by Wal-Mart and other big retailers: 100%
(Source: AP via The Week)
Number of Forbes magazine's "top 25 most influential liberals in the media" who are bloggers: 7
(Source: Digby)
Ridership on Portland, Maine Metro buses in 2008: 1.5 million---up 5% from '07
(Source: Portland Press Herald)
Percent chance that Rush Limbaugh secretly wishes he could wear "bright frilly smocks" without being ridiculed: 62%
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Holder unequivocally said the harsh interrogation tactic that has been used by the CIA is torture. I bet even calling them names is gonna be classified as verbal abuse? G-D are we screwed!
---Commenter Nevergiveup at Little Green Footballs
All together now: One...two...three... Classy!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: I'll applaud after I see him pass a drug test...
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CHEERS to healthy emissions. Holy mackerel---with a mere nod of his head, President Obama reversed a ludicrous Bush policy by instructing the EPA to reconsider allowing states to regulate noxious emissions coming from vehicles' asses. (I wish he could do the same thing with right-wing talk radio hosts' mouths, but I digress) More:
Granting a waiver for California to regulate tailpipe emissions would affect nearly half the U.S. auto market. Thirteen other states---including Maryland---and the District have already adopted California's proposal, while at least four others have pledged to do so. When the EPA rejected the waiver, Obama issued a statement saying the decision "is yet another example of how this Administration has put corporate interests ahead of the public interest. If the courts do not overturn this decision, I will after I am elected president."
"Not only is the new president a man of his word, but he's making a dramatic break with the Bush administration's climate policy," said Frank O'Donnell, who heads the advocacy group Clean Air Watch. "It's a powerful signal that science---and the law---will guide his administration's decisions. This should prompt cheers from California to Maine."
I just did. [snap snap!] Pay attention.
CHEERS to the new T-man. Tim Geithner was sworn in last night as Treasury secretary after a jumbled 60-34 vote (Maine's Olympia Snowe voted yes, but her BFF Susan Collins voted no---they must be fighting). Number-one on his to-do list: find a comfy spot under his desk and cry.
JEERS to heavenly hypocrisy. The Vatican says that Barack Obama is "arrogant" because he lifted a ban on funding for international family planning groups. "What is important is to know how to listen...without locking oneself into ideological visions with the arrogance of a person who, having the power, thinks they can decide on life and death," said a spokesman for the Catholic hierarchy that doesn't listen without locking itself into ideological visions with the arrogance of a Pope who, having the power, thinks he can decide on life and death. That Obama sure is a meanie.
P.S. On Saturday the Pope---who spent some time in the Hitler Youth---lifted the excommunication of a bishop who moonlights as a Holocaust denier. Even worse, he did it 72 hours before Holocaust Memorial Day. One of these days the Vatican needs to drag itself into the 15th century and discover the modern-day convenience known as the calendar.
CHEERS to music's Boy Wonder. Happy 253rd birthday to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. He's most famous for his hit, "Rock Me Amadeus," which hit #1 in 1786 on Casey's Countdown. But as for his symphonies...forgive me, but he was no Salieri. Pay your respects here. In b-flat.
JEERS to the sound of silence. That's what we're hearing from Congress which, not so long ago, formally tut-tutted MoveOn.org for their "General Betray Us" newspaper ad. But gee whiz---they can't seem to find a similar sense of outrage when Rush Limbaugh tells his millions of listeners that they should hope President Obama fails. Ain't double standards a kick?
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. New York Times columnist Bob Herbert asks: What’s up with the Republicans?
Skullduggery!
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
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CHEERS to the good times, Part 1. On January 27, 1998, President Clinton told the nation during his State of the Union address that the federal government would have a balanced budget in 1999...the first in 30 years. And then he callously left George W. Bush the back-breaking task of screwing it all up. (I hear there was a day back in '02 when he actually broke a sweat because he got too close to the money-burning furnace.)
CHEERS to the good times, Part 2. On January 27, 1999, President Clinton proposed a $350 billion tax cut for Americans because the country was in such good financial shape. Today we enact tax cuts when we're at war and are saddled with massive deficits. Potato/Puhtahto.
WHATEVER to whoever. Some conservative dumbhead spent a year writing editorials for the New York Times. The paper had to publish corrections on a regular basis because he was so sloppy, and his predictions and theories were wrong a minimum of half the time. At some point in the future---like, say, two seconds from now---we'll look back at his inclusion in the op-ed pages of the Grey Lady, shake our heads, and wonder what the hell they were thinking when they hired him. Yesterday they announced that he'd been dumped, and the blogosphere erupted in euphoria, linking like mad to his last column and giving him massive publicity which fueled his sizable ego and caused great happiness in his reptilian brain. I forget his name.
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Five years ago in C&J: January 27, 2004
CHEERS to Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Leads Oscar nominations with 11 (but, sadly no Sean Astin nod). Master and Commander sails away with 10, followed by Cold Mountain and Seabiscuit with 7 each. And look at Alec Baldwin---nomination #1 for The Cooler. Rumors of the death of his career have been wildly exaggerated.
JEERS to Dick Cheney. Insists WMDs are in Iraq, despite conclusive proof by his own team that they're not. Bush to send Veep back to undisclosed location with assurances he won't chew through the sheetrock again.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to the tin-eared maverick. I know what you're saying: "Bill! Can you rehash the '08 presidential campaign some more? Please???" Well...okay, but just once more because you asked so nicely. Remember how John McCain kept getting in trouble because he would play various artists' songs at his campaign rallies without paying royalties? Turns out his campaign was also just a plain-old poor judge of the tunes they picked. From Film Score Monthly (behind subscription wall):
Just after President-Elect Barack Obama finished his acceptance speech this past Nov. 4, the noble strains of John Williams’ The Patriot blared from speakers surrounding the stage. Perhaps this choice of music was a final smack at those who had questioned Obama’s patriotism throughout the campaign. Even more ironic, John McCain’s concession speech on the same night was followed by Hans Zimmer’s Crimson Tide, the score for a film in which a handsome young black man (Denzel Washington) stands up to and bests an angry old military guy (Gene Hackman).
Thank god the one song he'll never get to play is the one that would've been absolutely free: Hail to the Chief.
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Oh, and as a public service: if you have a toddler, you might want to avoid this particular retail establishment. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Blagojevich compares himself to MLK, Mandela, and Bill in Portland Maine
---Think Progress
1/25/09
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