So I like to sit in front of my computer. Big shock. It's my preferred viewing mode for The Daily Show, Colbert Report, and of course Countdown and Rachel Maddow. Hell, I'm glued to MSNBC.COM from 6 pm on, Brian Williams through Maddow. And it's this recent compulsive fixation which has drawn out the following observation - there are some really sick and downright disgusting commercials in between video segments on MSNBC.COM
The three worst offenders? Read on.
#3 - VICKS DAYQUIL/NYQUIL w/ VITAMIN C
There are several commercials in this campaign, but one really tweaks my coccyx. It involves three women working together in a school office who are concerned over a sick co-worker who loves Vitamin C but still has a cold. The token sassy black colleague says, "She loves her C" like she's calling her a damn dirty whore, then later busts out with, "She's a C FREAK." Meanwhile, the token polite Asian colleague politely whispers all her lines to the audience.
This one isn't too bad other than its cheap stereotypes but still, it grates.
#2 - CHARMIN
I don't feel I need to go in depth here. Apparently children use lots of toilet paper, so Charmin thinks it's cool to represent this with a little cartoon bear cub with what is apparently bits of toilet paper stuck all over its red little ass. It looks like the bear tried to shave its own ass drunk with a lawnmower blade. Or it looks like the bear's ass is covered in feces. Either way it's totally unpleasant. Mr. Whipple is rolling in his grave.
Don't squeeze the Charmin - or make us see it stuck all over a bear's ass
#1 - CREST
Crest Whitening has the worst and most offensive commercial of them all, and all because of its first line:
"We're taught that we have to be at our best every day."
What? Pardon me? We have to be at our best? Every single day? What if we're sick? What if we're depressed? What if we just don't fucking feel like it? If you were taught that you had to be at your best every day, your parents were dicks. I'm sorry - but human frailty is not something to be avoided at all costs. It's something we all have to acknowledge. And suggesting that a whiter, brighter smile is part of the ultimate Platonic ideal of the ultimate, towards which we all strive (like we could get a consensus on what "being our best" even means) is an enormous crock of pretentious, overbearing shit.
Sigh.
UPDATED: HONORABLE MENTION
Duracell Batteries have a truly disgusting fear-mongering commercial, thoughtfully mentioned in comments by grannyhelen. Apparently Brickhouse Child Locators (perfect for the paranoid parent, because you can't look after your children on your own) use Duracell Batteries. This is important because apparently if you DON'T use Duracell, the brand Brickhouse (she's mighty mighty, lettin' it all hang out) trusts, you might just lose your child in a sparsely-populated park. Because you're a totally incompetent parent. If you don't trust Duracell your child will most likely be kidnapped and mutilated in ways which would make Jeffrey Dahmer look like Rainbow Brite.
Double sigh.