While this admittedly can't compete with the Louisiana judge, I just wanted to share what my neighborhood is doing to squash progress here in "real" Virginia.
In the interest of full disclosure, the author of the altdaily piece is my life partner and has given me permission to post it in it's entirety, and the couple in this article are friends of ours.
In April 2009, Nate Silver was named one of The World’s 100 Most Influential People by Time Magazine. This statistician, writer, and analyst invented PECOTA, a complex system to forecast performance of Major League baseball players. In 2007, he used similar statistical analysis to predict political and cultural outcomes with remarkable accuracy. He correctly predicted Barack Obama to win the November 2008 presidential election within 12 electoral votes, identifying the winner in 49 of the 50 states as well a correctly predicting every Senate race.
On his web site FiveThirtyEight.com, Silver has a prolific set of predictions ranging from cap-and-trade to tracking polls to senate races. Among his prediction models are several regarding gay rights. In one entitled, "Will Iowans Uphold Gay Marriage?" Silver predicts when each of the 50 states will vote against a ban on gay marriage. Virginia is slated in the middle of the pack for 2015.
The legalization of same-sex marriage could not come soon enough for gay and lesbian couples residing in Virginia, giving them the same legal rights as heterosexual couples. Rights Dr. Martha Daas and Ms. Shannon Bowman, a lesbian couple living in Norfolk, wish they could have now. "These are rights just granted to married people," Daas said.
On May 20, 2007, Daas and Bowman made a lifetime commitment to one another. They had a wedding ceremony, albeit no marriage license, at the Norfolk Botanical Gardens acknowledging their intention to live together as a family, fit with out-of-town guests, vows, carefully chosen attire, dance and celebration. It was the closest thing to a legal marriage a lesbian couple can have in the state of Virginia.
Since, Daas and Bowman have been active members of the community, especially in West Ghent where they reside and raise their two children, Maggie (8) and Oliver (3 months). Daas is a professor of Medieval Spanish Literature at Old Dominion University (ODU) and Bowman owns her own advertising business. By anyone’s standards, this dynamic, professional couple seeks to work hard and give back to the community in which they live.
Last year, Bowman helped spearhead WOW, a language program for public elementary students at W.H. Taylor and Larchmont. She hopes the program can expand to other schools. WOW offers participants introduction to Spanish or French, with ascending levels each year. Daas has taught at Old Dominion University for eight years, last year earning tenure. She is the Director of the Spanish Program and well published in her field.
Like many hardworking residents in West Ghent, they hoped to join Mallory Country Club for a place to relax and swim during the hot summer months. It is within walking distance of their home, an easy scooter ride for Maggie and stroll with Oliver.
"It’s really that simple," Bowman said, "We just wanted a place to swim."
Their attempt to join as a family, however, would not be simple. Their first request was denied, and when a proposed by-law was rewritten to "allow same sex couples and their dependents to apply as regular members to the club," it was voted against, 179.5 to 125.5. Two hundred and seven votes were needed to pass the change (www.mallorycountryclub.com). When asked to discuss the by-law change results, acting Mallory Country Club President Jim Farrell said he had, "No comment."
As it stands, Daas and Bowman can join as "singles," but not as a family, which doubles the cost.
"This is death by 100 cuts," Daas said. "If we could run to the courthouse and get married, we would."
"We feel really disappointed," Bowman said.
The couple simply desires the same consideration as committed, albeit married partners.
"People will never understand unless they’re in it," Dass said. "It’s a heteronormative society."
As implied in the by-law’s wording, "regular" members are either single people or married couples (with or without children). Achieving family status requires legal marriage, despite sharing a household and raising children.
"We are not considered a family," Daas said.
Although the definition of what constitutes a family is dynamic in this country, it is clear what is seen as regular or normal at Mallory—heterosexual, legally married with biologically produced children.
"It is clear to me, many members of Mallory don’t want gay people at the pool. What else could it be [when they voted against the by-law change]?" Daas said.
The only hope for gay and lesbian couples is to have the same legal rights and status in society as heterosexual couples via legal marriage.
And if Silver is right, times they are a changin’--state by state. By 2024, he predicts all 50 states are to vote against a ban on same-sex marriage. Based on his previous predictions, I wouldn’t bet against him.
In the mean time, Bowman and Daas will continue to persevere. They will continue to work hard, give back to their community and raise their children. They will continue to experience prejudice but hopefully this will subside as gay marriage becomes legal and it is socially unacceptable to deny rights based on sexual identity.
As our culture moves toward equality, it moves toward its most ideal self. This self gives rather than takes, accepts rather than judges, loves rather than hates. It is hard to let go of our divisive nature and the need to be right and make a wrong. Once we do, however, the world, our country, our state and our community will be better places.
Felt like sharing with this community for some reason. It seems as if progress is made in a two step forward, one step back fashion, but I believe it is worth it and persistence and patience will prevail. These are our friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues whom we are fighting for.
Peace.