When things don't work the way they're supposed to, I never know if someone is messing with my head.
It started with a priest seducing me in grammar school. I'm not sure what brought it about, either the beginning or the end of our games in his bedroom in the rectory. I just know that when it was over between us, I'm 99.999...% sure that he was the one who started the rumors that I heard the statues in church talk to me. Sister Mary Evelyn told me that I was chosen by God to see and hear things other people did not see or hear. The rumor spread like wildfire, or so it seemed to me, that I was seeing and hearing things others could not see or hear. My little friends would hold my hand in church and ask me if the statues were talking to me now. Sister Mary Evelyn, the school principal called me in her office and gave me a book on the lives of female saints. In 7th Grade I attempted suicide.
In 1994 I was the Press Secretary and Publicist to a Republican running for Congress. Republicans and Democrats cooperated to try to make me crazy. I got physically ill. I was diagnosed with lupus/scleroderma.
The same week Dee Dee Myers got axed from the Clinton Whitehouse, I was axed from my Congressman. We both went to Georgetown in our Honda Accords (mine was white, pin-stripe, spoiler, moon/sun roof, loaded) and Dee Dee got drunk -- crashed her car while I went to a day spa and got a salad from Dean & DeLucca. She got publicity. I got ignored.
I know from PR work that the only bad PR is no PR. Even a monster will find an audience and supporters, if they're in the news. Celebrity is like that. People forget the particulars, or whether you're notable or notorious, but remember the fame attached to your name.
That being said, I never know what's behind odd events in my life. I never know if I'm being manipulated and people are saying things behind my back. A good example was last Friday where I sat in the waiting room of my hospital next to a Cook County Board Commissioner who seemed to be distraught when he saw me and he seemed to be avoiding me.
My paranoia is not without merit. Last year a lobbyist called me on the phone crying saying she was ordered not to speak to me and to notify the police if I ever contacted her again. I asked her if I had done someothing to upset her. She spoke softly, "I work for your enemy and if you contact me again I will call the police. I'm sorry."
Enemy?
Another case in point. A real estate broker with whom I had had a few pleasant conversations about a new condominium development, breathlessly told me "you and your family and friends must be destroyed." Huh?
I must be destroyed. My family must be destroyed. My friends must be destroyed.
I never recontacted either that lobbyist or the real estate broker.
So what did I see at the 1994 Republican Revolution that freaks politicians, both Democrats and Republicans, out?
Well, like the mostly ignored character Claudius played by Derek Jacobi in the PBS series "I Claudius", I simply watch and to a limited degree write about the beginning of the end of the Republic and the rise of an emerging global citizenry. Where the inhabitants of the world's major metropolitian areas are more like each other than they are like inhabitants of the surrounding collar suburbs, towns, and rural communities of any country.
The urban centers have become winnowers, separating the wheat from the chafe of their country's human harvest. Those who can survive in city-life can stay, others will be sent back to the hinterlands or asylums in the outskirts. It's the way of globalization.
Bush I and Bush II couldn't do it, but I think Obama can and will be the world's first global citizen, first global president and develop the world's first global-multinational currency. Have you been watching the G-20? Late this month the American Bankers Association will be coming to Chicago for a conference that is drawing attention from activists against greedy bankers. I find it hard to justify my spending thousands of dollars just to rub elbows with the monied-class I want to help me build my financial empire. It's alot like buying a lotter ticket. I may or may not have a good idea/proposal. But my experience with my ideas has been that those GOBs, Good Ole Boys, will steal my idea(s) if they can and make money off of them before I've even sent a press release to the media.
I know there's manipulation from the top. Some people are content to know that there's political stability in the USA, it makes it a better investmet risk. I wouldn't mind the manipulation from the top, politicians picking the winners & the losers, if they would let me win once in a while.
It's' not my imagination that they're out to get me. I have alot of evidence, much more than I've posted here. I just keep trying to build up my health and continue building my dream. I know "if I build it, they will come." In 1994 I started a women's support group, a Foundation. The story behind what happened to it, reads like a John Grisham novel complete with evil politicians and lawyers. I had hundreds of thousands of hits on my website. I had thousands of letters and hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of checks I never deposited. I was threatened with violence and death. The very law firm that was representing me was the one also sending their political agents to threaten me. I briefly cashed a few checks and sent people nothing...in return. People complained, I know they did, because they called me on the phone to tell me that no one was listening to their complaints about my cashing the checks. I could not get one shred of media attention and neither could any of the poor souls who sent me $50 and never got the book I promised them. After about a year and no media attention, I sent the book out to the people who were owed a book.
I'm paranoid. I never know, when something goes awry, whether it was an accident or it was engineered. I just have to live with that uncomfortable feeling, that not only did God desert me in my childhood and allowed a priest to seduce me and manipulate me, but that my government through its officials has also manipulated me.
I went to reinstate my driver's license last week. I was told that they had no record of me, of my driver's license, of my license plates, or city sticker number. The State Police investigated me and told me that I do not exist in their records and that I will have to submit proof of my birth, school records, work records and any other documents to support my claim that I exist. Bureaucratic inefficiency? Or deliberate crazy-making by my political enemies? I don't think I'll ever know for sure. All I can do is chip away at the work I have to do, to get back into the mainstream after being rehabbed by my healthcare team.