Once there was a man named Harry who wished to buy some bread for his hungry family. He went to see the bread merchant, Holy Joe. Holy Joe was the only bread merchant in town, and he was very, very fickle and peculiar man. It so happened that Holy Joe had just received a fresh loaf of the most delicious variety, when Harry arrived at his shop. Harry spied the loaf in the window...what a marvelous sight! There was enough there to slice the loaf into 32 pieces, plenty to feed his family for a whole week.
"How much for the whole loaf?", asked Harry.
Holy Joe frowned.
"What! You want to buy the whole loaf?! I couldn't possibly sell you the whole loaf. Maybe I could sell you half a loaf, that's still a lot, but more reasonable. I can't go selling you the whole loaf! What will the rest of my customers do?"
Harry thought about it for a moment. It really didn't make any sense to him that Holy Joe wouldn't sell him the whole loaf, but he really felt he wasn't in much of a position to bargain. And besides, his hungry family at home needed to eat something, they'd surely still be happy with a half a loaf of such fresh, delicious bread.
"All right", said Harry. "How much for half a loaf, then?"
"Two silver coins," replied Holy Joe. "Leave one of them with me now, and bring the other tomorrow morning, and I'll probably sell it to you then."
A reasonable man with a good spine on him would have told Holy Joe what for, and walked the extra distance to the next town to buy a whole loaf from another bread merchant. But Harry was a notoriously spineless man, and Holy Joe was a family friend. No sense in stirring up unnecessary trouble, just to feed his starving family.
Harry agreed to Joe's terms, and then he went home to his family to tell them the good news.
"Family, I have good news."
"What is it, did you bring us the loaf of bread?"
"Well, no, but I'm going to pick up a half a loaf for us in the morning from Holy Joe."
"What? Why only a half a loaf, and why do you have to wait until morning?"
"Well, you know how Holy Joe is, he's so peculiar, but he's the only bread seller in town."
"Well, all right, Harry, but be sure to come back with that bread tomorrow."
The next day Harry went back to see Holy Joe. The whole loaf was still there, and still very fresh. Harry plunked down the silver coin on the table.
"I'm here for the half loaf now."
"What? Oh, that. You know, Harry, I've given it some thought, and I'm not sure it's really a good idea to sell you as much as half a loaf. I still have all my other customers to think about, and some people might complain that I'm giving too much away to just one customer."
"What?!", exclaimed Harry. "That seems a little odd to me."
"Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't give you half a loaf. Maybe tomorrow I can sell you a quarter loaf instead, if you just leave that coin with me, and bring another in the morning."
Harry frowned. Clearly Holy Joe was beginning to take advantage of the situation, he thought. But still, it was such a long walk to the next town, and a quarter loaf was still better than nothing. It was enough for 4 sandwiches, after all. He nodded and left the coin on the table.
"All right, Joe, but I sure hope you'll sell me that quarter loaf tomorrow."
"What?! No bread again!"
"I know, I know, but the good news is he'll sell me a quarter loaf tomorrow."
"Only a quarter loaf! That'll only last a couple days."
"Don't worry, everything will come out okay. Joe's a family friend, and even though he drives a hard bargain, I don't think he wants to see us starve."
"All right, but please come back with bread tomorrow. We;re all starving."
Harry came back to Holy Joe's shop the next morning, wearily plunking down another coin on the counter.
"I'll take that quarter loaf you promised, Holy Joe."
"Hold on, now Harry, I never promised I would sell you that much, I only said maybe. I still think it's too much to sell at one time. What would happen to the rest of my customers?"
Harry blinked.
"What?! Come on, now, Joe, my family is starving, I've been here three days in a row and you still won't sell me any bread. We're old friends, but this is starting to get on my nerves."
Harry and Joe belonged to the same club, where Harry was the club leader and Joe was the chair of the social committee. Now, in theory, Harry could have threatened to kick Joe off the social committee, or even out of the club, but that was just too rude and, well, confrontational for Harry's tastes. Besides, maybe Joe would still sell him some bread, since that's what he had promised his family and since it was such a long walk to the next town.
Joe shrugged and said nothing.
"Hey, Joe, what if you just sell me an eighth of a loaf? That wouldn't bother your customers much, and at least then my family could eat for a day."
"Well, I'll think about it, Harry. That does sound more reasonable, maybe I could do that...but it's been a tough week, here. Would you mind leaving me another coin, you know, for a friend?"
Harry really wanted to have any kind of good news to bring home to his family, so he nodded, left another coin and went home.
"Don't tell me. He wouldn't sell it to you, but maybe he'd sell half that much?"
"No, no. Don't be silly," said Harry. "I suggested buying half as much, in order to get the ball rolling. Joe's a good man, you just have to meet him half-way. Well, more than halfway."
"So he promised, absolutely guaranteed, that he'd let you have some bread this time?"
"Uh, well, no, but I trust Holy Joe, he's on our side most of the time."
...
"Sorry, Harry, I changed my mind. I think I could sell you enough for a sandwich, though, if you come back tomorrow."
"You know, Joe, I've got half a mind to go to the next town and buy a whole loaf from them."
Joe frowned.
"Now, Harry, I'm just trying to do what's right for all my customers. Besides, we both know you hate to walk that far. Just come back tomorrow and we'll see what's what."
....
"Look, Harry, we've been really patient here, but we've been starving so long that the kids are starting to eat the furniture, and I'm starting to hallucinate. We all know Joe's never going to sell you any of that damn bread, so why don't you go to the next town, or just buy some fruit or meat from another shop in town, before Holy Joe takes the rest of your money?"
"Well, I promised you guys some bread, and I'm going to get you some bread. If he won't sell it to me this time, then I'll walk to the next town to get some. I promise."
"...well, if you won't sell me enough for a sandwich, how about just one slice? I'm almost out of money, and my family may die soon."
"Well, now you're getting more reasonable, Harry. I was really worried I might have to stop selling to you altogether, you've been badgering me so much this week. Leave me your last two coins and I promise to sell you whatever I have left tomorrow."
"Family, I have wonderful news!"
"You brought home some bread and kicked Joe out of your club?"
"No, don't be silly. Joe's finally guaranteed us some bread."
"Well, it's about time--how much, and when do we get it?"
"Well, we'll get it tomorrow, and it'll be whatever he has left--so it could even be a whole loaf."
"Well, or it could be nothing. You need to go to the next town."
"I would do that, but I gave Joe the last of our money."
"Harry, you're an idiot! If we ever eat again, I'm leaving you and taking the kids with me."
"Ah, Harry, you're in luck."
"What? Where is the loaf? I thought you promised to sell me what you had left."
"Well, I did, but I sold that loaf to the wealthy man who owns land near your home. I told him you really really wanted it and about how much money I thought you had, so he offered me triple that for the loaf. Funny, though, I think he just took it and fed it to some birds."
"I wish you had told me that before, I could have walked to the next town or bought some other food elsewhere here."
"I know, Harry, but this wealthy man asked me not to. He was so generous, and he's been so generous to me over the years--it was such a small favor, how could I possibly say no?"
"...but why did you tell me I'm in luck?"
"Because I saved some pieces of crust for you and your family. Out of the spirit of kindness and friendship, you can have them free of charge."
Harry left, frowning, vowing never to speak to Joe again, to kick him out of the club. He was forced to sell the family home to the wealthy neighbor at a pittance (as Joe and the neighbor had planned all along), so his family could finally eat more than bread crumbs. But already, they were thinking about leaving him.
Be careful who you buy your bread from, Harry.