With Advent here, why shouldn’t the Church of Scientology have its own Christmas…I mean…Xenu-mas song? Especially after all their troubles this year...
“On the Twelfth Day of Xenu-mas, my Xenu sent to me (by way of inter-galactic FedExChurchMember)…
- (French) Drummers Drumming (us out of France for committing fraud).
- (Australian) Pipers Piping (up that we kidnap and brainwash folks in Australia).
- (Same-sex married) Gay Warlords a-Time Warp Leaping.
- Ladies Cruisin’ (and none of them Katie Holmes, who is NOT leaving Tom because of his religious views, but because he has an obsession with his body. Mind you, I have an obsession with Katie’s body…but I digress…).
- Maids a-Milkin’ (all of our Church Members for as much cash as we can get).
- Heads a-Swimming (from being forced to read every last bloody one of L. Ron Hubbard’s collected ‘Stories From The Golden Age’).
- Hollywood Turkeys a-Laying (the Golden Egg, over and over and over again…).
- Golden Ringtones (for the iPods Xenu is now giving all his followers so that we are no longer confused about his real message).
- Calling Birds (Xenu Tweet-Tweeting on those bloody iPods).
- French Pens (I mean…Penitentiaries).
- Travolting (Old) Dogs (Ok. Shoot me. I ran out of ideas).
And A Cartridge In A Shotgun…”
[Merry Xenu-mas and a Dianetic New Year. Right. I’m off to have a shower now…]