It became an annual ritual for me to sit down around this time to draft a New Year resolution. Every year during The Dubya Decade I had one resolution: to find a cure for the debilitating, horrible GOP virus. Ebola, H1N1 and the dreaded French Kiss combined are like nothing compared to the GOP virus, which erases memories and makes sane, honorable men do teabagging in public. Even the pharmaceutical giant Bill Gate’s heroic efforts to find patches for this virus met a similar fate as Karl Rove’s family value.
Anyhow, my next year’s resolution, and the next decade After Dubya for that matter, is to unearth the only known GOP virus carrier. Awhile back, the Faux Report snitched on a little girl called Liz Chainy who they alleged was hiding the virus carrier under an undisclosed stone. Finding the virus carrier is a serious matter as far as inconvenient truth is concerned. But, snitching on a little girl is morally repulsive.
That is what I thought until I heard Michele Botchmann (which means: Botch Man) and Joe Liarmann debate. She was on Softball with Tweety; he was on Rachel Maddew (pronounced Mad-dew like Mont Dew).
Botchmann was saying that the FBI should investigate the FBI and DHL why the FedEx didn’t investigate the FBI for failing to investigate the outing of the little girl. She said making all these sensitive information public is more damaging than Scooter Libby undressing Valerie in front of Dick.
She stopped in mid-sentence, visibly blushed turning red. She dropper her earpiece and run out leaving Tweety dumbfounded.
Liarmann was as himself, cool as cucumber. He said let me set the record straight. Little girls are menace. Girls are threat to our nation security. These cute little creatures must be hunted, rounded up and sent to Tora Bora caves for Mullah Omar's entertainments.
Maddew tried to tell him how wrong he was.
Liarmann overruled all her objections. He said that this was his show and if she doesn’t like what he was spouting she is also welcome to join the Taliban.
Liarmann reminded Maddew what the little girl did to the Daisy. He said because of what that little lass did to the Daisy, a Mushroom Cloud rained over Candy Rice and ruined her hair forever. That is unforgiveable sin in his book.
Liarmann said that as far as undressing women are concerned he can vouch for his friend. He said, "I know McCain, he is son of Adam, a saint who never undress a woman," he continued, "McCain almost made me a president. When he was at Hanoi Hilton he saw Paris Hilton dressed in her birthday suit and he never stared at her. He only fixed his sight on her beauty."
Maddew tried to speak but Liarmann signaled her to close her mouth.
He said that with Judge Ito’s gavel in his hand he will not allow anyone to reveal the GOP virus carrier’s undisclosed location for national homestead reasons. Liarmann added furiously, "GOP virus doesn’t kill little girls but these little rascals are liberals and netroots who voted me out and they should pay the price for what they did to me."
Then there was a Breaking News flush all over the teevee:
Rush was rushed to be crowned as St. Peter’s helper at closed gates.
Now, Eugene Rob-in-son is telling the world that the New Year resolution was a downright cruel prank perpetrated by Dick Chainy upon the little girl, Liz Chainy.