Who is the Greatest Human Being Ever?
Well, after careful thought I have come to the conclusion that it is one Richard E Nixon
Why do I think that? Well, I of course think that because he brought peace to many parts of the globe.
The reckless policies of LBJ, McGeorge Bundy, Robert McNamara, and company plunged the United States into war in Indochina
So what Richard E Nixon does is he pushes up his sleeves and he decides to get to work. And where did he get that discipline? He got it from eating his Quaker Oats on the farm, where he was brought up. And they were bitter bitter oats....oats of loss and hard work.
When he was young two of his brothers died from a severe onset of the consumption. He was forced to labour day and night in his fathers grocery store. It was hard, tedious, hard work....but the long hours gave him a working man's spirit.
It was this ability to cope with loneliness and tremendous stress that allowed him to persevere those long nights in the White House with kids protesting outside.....those sweet, confused kids...don't they know Dick wants peace too....DICK WANTS PEACE TOO!
So Richard E Nixon turned to his trusty pal Henry Kissiger, and glared at him. "What is it" Kissinger asked. "Henry", Nixon said, "Oh Henry, how I pine for peace." He looked up at the photograph of Abraham Lincoln hanging on the wall.
"Henry," Nixon said, as he massaged his sweaty brow with one of his gnarled hands, "What do you think Old Honest Abe would say if he were here right now?" Kissinger thought for a second and said "I think he'd say 'Keep going.....keep going and never look back'"
Nixon let out a small gasp of exasperation. "Do you think Jesus will give me the strength to carry on my battles, Henry?" "I'm Jewish"..."Oh right, right. Well, we've all got our problems haven't we old boy."
Richard Nixon then looked out the window onto the protesters in the streets for a full wordless minute until he let out "They want peace? Ha! They don't know anything about peace! DO they know what it's like to give away a lifetime of memories with your family in service to your country, whether it be up here, or in the SOuth Pacific? Oh sure, I was never in any real danger when I served in the Big War, Henry, but I tell you, this phlebitis is nothing compared to the nasty case of blue balls and trench foot I got in the Navy.....well, they want Peace? I'll give 'em peace."
Henry glanced up..."ANd how do you suggest that, Mr. President?"
Nixon reached for the framed picture on his desk. It still had the picture of the family in it from when he got it from Sears, but he felt like he knew them already. Little Jimmy, with the freckled cheeks and cute, mischievous eyes. Little Sally, with her church dress, pink right down to her underwear. Little Mr. Johnson, with his corncob pipe and thinning hair. And last but not least,Little Mrs. Johnson, with her fading good looks but still palatable bust.
"Henry....get Le Duc Tho on the horn. Tell him North Korea's got a care patch comin'"
"You mean North Vietnam, mr. President?"
"Oh yes yes, North Vietnam, North Vietnam. What did I say?"
"North.."
"..>Korea, right. Well, tell him North Vietnam's got a carepackage comin'. And do it like Clint Eastwood would say it."
"Right, Mr. President."
"And when I say carepackage, I mean bombs."
"RIght, Mr. President."