(The following is excerpted from the Q&A session after a private speech given by Rush Limbaugh at CPAC this past week)
Limbaugh: ...So yes, I do prefer underage Haitian prostitutes to underage Dominican prostitutes. Anyone else?
(Man who is hiding his identity by wearing a diaper over his head)
Anonymous Questioner: Do you have tips how I may be able to, uh, perform, if my Viagra stash is impounded by customs?
Limbaugh: I find picturing Ronald Reagan nude does the trick, Senator Vitter. I mean anonymous questioner. Next question.
(Calls on man who looks suspiciously like Rick Santorum in Groucho-Marx style nose glasses)
Incognito Ricky: Hey Rush, megadittoes. Like yourself and all other true Republicans, I hope that Obama and the Democrat (sic) congress fails and by this time next year the Dow sinks to 267 5/8ths, unemployment stands at 67%, and killer robots run amuck through the nation. Truly that will be a great day for this country. Can you share with us some of your personal greatest moments in American history?
Limbaugh: Well, like every patriotic American my heart wells up with pride whenever I think of how we lost both World Wars since they were started by Democrat (sic) presidents. Who can't walk by the Marine Monument and see those four dead soldiers atop Mount Suribachi immotalized in that statue and thank god the Japanese beat us senseless since that socialist Roosevelt was their Commander in Chief. It is almost as good as how the Great Depression lasted for 36 years since his New Deal failed.
Of course, you can't forget that magical night in July of 1969 when Apollo 11 crashed on the Moon. Take that JFK! And how cool was it when the War on Poverty failed and all those women and children and seniors didn't have enough money for basic necessitites and then starved and died. That rocked. Oh, the mission to rescue the hostages in Iran--when I saw those burnt out helicopters on the desert foor I stood up, put my hand over my heart, and sang 'god Bless America' at the top of my lungs just to show Carter.
I could go on and on. How about when Clinton was in office and the first World Trade Center was bombed and... (procedes to go on and on...)