Seriously. If I have to fucking sit here and read articles with titles like AIG Paying Millions in Bonuses Despite Receiving Federal Bailout day after day after day, I'm just curious as to what the "trickle down" bonuses are for people committing other acts of douchebagitude and indecency.
And if I have to:
A) receive a letter in the mail that essentially gives me the choice between a 6% overnight interest rate hike or a battered credit score while
B) the surly "customer service rep" tells me that it WASN'T because of my personal credit history (which is extremely good) but was just a "bank decision" as
C) a supervisor browbeats them to get me off the phone ASAP because they don't give a shit what I think about any of this as
D) the director of my credit card's bank gets a gigantic bonus and
E) the chairman of the bank
said the controversy about bankers’ bonuses was "not helpful" because it was "very emotional."
then I'm really damn interested in what the lesson I'm supposed to be learning from this mess is, and why I shouldn't believe the lesson is that being a responsible, decent, humane member of society is a fucking crock-pot just full to the brim with fetid walrus shit.
Yeah, I'm angry. And I'd like to know why I shouldn't be. I've paid my taxes, played by the rules, been a productive, law-abiding, responsible person, and the thanks I get is to be told that my bank will do whatever the F it wants, when it wants, and if I don't like it I can go pound sand, or my head against a wall, for ever believing in the "ain't America swell" hot air BULLSHIT that the Republican Party and the businessmen of this country have been blowing up all of our asses for years while they:
A) take as much of our money as they can and
B) run off to the bank with it before
C) the whole thing collapses all around us.
And then they have the nerve to say that the Democrats and Barack Obama are socialists for wanting to make moderate changes to the system.
You know what extremely leftist, socialist change would look like? ALL BANKS NATIONALIZED PERMANENTLY. Salaries capped, bonuses scrapped, businessmen told to "take their talents" fucking elsewhere and ruin another country for a change.
But we're not doing that, dear businessmen. We're letting you people stay in business, live the high life you're so accustomed to while us plebeians scrape out an existence because we don't jerk off to piles of $100 bills every night, and continue tromping around playing your adult version of King of the Mountain.
Now I'm gonna tell you a little story here about someone who's apparently a fucking sucker: me.
I've always paid my credit card bills on time. Why? Because I've been lucky enough to have steady employment, to have a father who taught me the proper use of a credit card, and because I'm responsible.
I realize that many of you businessmen have no clue at all what that word is or what it means, but here's a few definitions for you to ponder while you plot another way to skim money from me and use it to prevent people like my friends from getting married or being allowed to just live their goddamn lives in peace without being told they're sinners or worse:
Responsible
Able to make moral or rational decisions on one's own and therefore answerable for one's behavior.
Able to be trusted or depended upon; reliable.
Based on or characterized by good judgment or sound thinking.
Believe me, I won't accuse you executives at Barclays (Juniper credit cards) of being guilty of any of these things, or of having any conception of how other human beings are. But let me continue the story.
I've always paid my bills on time. Even when I was hurting. I never made excuses, never tried to shy away from my responsibilities. Which is certainly more than I can say for all of you who want to get 100% of the reward for making risky decisions and NONE of the consequences. You want to make unethical decisions, try and pull a fast one on everybody else, proclaim the moral high ground while you do this, and then demand that the rest of us give you more of our money so that you can stay in business and find new and ever-inventive ways to screw us.
Well recently I did something that I guess was stupid: I got engaged. I love my fiancee, which is why, now that she's back in school, I've agreed to pay a lot more than half of the bills. This is because I'm in love, and because I'm responsible. She's getting training to have a productive, sustainable career, and I'm helping make that happen.
After getting engaged, we moved across the country. This was at the end of August. Both of us had always been living on the East Coast and had a burning urge to move to the West before we got too settled down to make a 3,000 mile move.
Then the economy cratered. Jobs were impossible to find here. I was without work for 2 1/2 months, and she was without work for 2 months. She's in school full time, but she still works over 20 hours a week to help make sure we can pay the bills. Why? Because she's responsible. It doesn't pay much, but people like you businessmen can't imagine what it's like to truly wonder if you're going to be able to make it and to feel the relief when someone in the family finds a job that doesn't actually pay a whole lot but allows you to keep eating and paying the rent.
I kept paying the bills. All of them. Including my credit card bill. Why? Because I'm responsible. Even when I was out of work. And you know what? I DIDN'T collect unemployment in that time. And when I wasn't looking for a job, I volunteered my ass in my community to try and make a difference.
Finally, I found work. A temp job. I still have the temp job four months later. It's about to end, but it seems like I have some good leads on more permanent work. Either way, I will keep paying all my bills. Why? Because I'm responsible. I do the right thing, as best as I know how. Which is sure as shit a LOT MORE than I can say for a lot of you bankers.
And now, as a function of your stupid decisions, your greed, and your fundamental selfishness and indecency, you've sent me a letter saying that I have to see my interest rate jump up overnight for no legitimate reason, or I have to cancel my account and watch my credit score plummet due to lack of available credit.
What, pray-tell, will that extra interest income be going to? You know what I think it will go to? I think it'll go to executive salaries, luxury cars, luxury offices, and luxury vacations. I think it'll go to bonuses, because you damn well don't have the profits, after your awful decision making, to pay those bonuses, so you're going to take it from me and all the other people doing their damn best.
All this time I also haven't had health or dental insurance. I had half a tooth break off because a now-retired dentist that I had in high school gave me an incomplete filling, and food seeped in and rotted my tooth from the inside. It hurts like hell. Monday I get to go in and pay for it all out of pocket because you fucking bankers and your Republican apologists think that I'm a loser, that it's my fault that YOU ALL ruined the economy, leaving me with few employment options. GOD FORBID people like me are able to get health insurance from the government when we're trying our damndest to survive.
In addition to that, I have wisdom teeth severely overdue for removal, but again, no insurance. And given that all four of them are impacted, I am not only in increased pain - I also get the satisfaction of paying an increased dental bill for their extraction. Should I have had them taken out earlier? Probably. But you know what I did when I graduated college? Something else really stupid: I spent three years doing accounting for an environmental, gay rights, and consumer protection non-profit where I sacrificed a much higher salary and much better insurance for the chance to do something positive in the world. Again, not something y'all bankers would comprehend.
And if I get hit by a bus? Well then I guess I'm just completely fucked. I have to live with that fact. If my fiancee or I get cancer we are totally up shit creek. But no no, you take that extra interest. You nickel and dime us to fucking death, as I'm sure is happening to people all over this country. People who were near the brink and were pushed by exactly these kinds of policies, and who now are without health insurance or any way to pay for the care they need.
I could call you murderers and it would be entirely accurate. You can call it hyperbolic if you like, but that would be ignoring the reality of those people who are suffering minute by minute because of your greed.
So I'm really curious right now: if we are to reward you with bonuses, continually high salaries, gigantic bailouts, bullshit fees, and unfairly raised interest rates, what are the bonuses for other scumbag behaviors in this sacred, moral high ground nation of America?
If I go maim a child, do I get a bonus of three grand from the parents?
If I run out into the street and assault an old woman, can I get a cut of a few hundred bucks from her Social Security payments?
If I take all the money out of the joint bank account I have with my fiancee, make off with the dough and leave her nothing, can I get a lil' extra somethin' somethin' from her as a thanks for all the good times we've had?
Or how about this. How about I go buy a shotgun and a few shells, drive across state lines to get some roman candles, chug a gallon of Carlo Rossi burgundy wine (hat tip Jack Kerouac), strip naked (hat tip Allen Ginsberg), and tear down the highway shooting the shotgun out one window (hat tip Hunter S. Thompson) while letting roman candles go off out the other, screaming bloody murder drunk off my ass? Think the DA will let me off for good, ole' fashioned gumption as a lil' bonus for providing an entertainment option on a boring Sunday night?
Or, perhaps more closely aligned with all y'alls' exploits, if I do manage to land a permanent job and am there at my work station crunching numbers and making calculations, what is my bonus for deliberately doing my best to screw the organization I'm at? Think they'll give me a huge severance for fucking up the payroll repeatedly, or for continuously sabotaging our accounts payable?
Is that the lesson I'm supposed to be learning here? Is that actually your view of what realistically happens in this world? Inquiring, fed-the-fuck-up minds really want to know.