Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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Thursday March 19, 2009 · 5:57 AM PDT

2009/03/19 · 05:57

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

And The Villagers Still Care What They Say

On this, the sixth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq (aka "The 2,192 Day and Counting War"), let's crank up the wayback machine and revisit the chest-thumpings of the fierce and mighty warrior class and their media enablers:

"Look, I know you have a lot to do and all...but I want you, as soon as you can, to go back over everything, everything. See if Saddam did this. See if he's linked in any way."
"But, Mr. President, al Qaeda did this."
"I know, I know, but...see if Saddam was involved. Just look. I want to know any shred...
"Absolutely, we will look...again. But you know, we have looked several times for state sponsorship of al Qaeda and not found any real linkages to Iraq. Iran plays a little, as does Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia, Yemen."
"Look into Iraq, Saddam."
---George W. Bush issuing orders to counter-terrorism czar Richard Clarke on September 12, 2001, as recounted in Clarke's book, Against All Enemies
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On Sept. 7, 2002, [Judith Miller] and fellow New York Times reporter Michael Gordon reported that Iraq had "stepped up its quest for nuclear weapons and has embarked on a worldwide hunt for materials to make an atomic bomb." As proof, she cited unnamed "American intelligence experts" and unnamed "Bush administration officials." Subsequently, Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, and Donald Rumsfeld all pointed to Miller’s story as justification for war. On April 22, 2003, she told PBS’s Newshour that WMD had already been found in Iraq: "Well, I think they found something more than a ’smoking gun.’"
---Think Progress (Miller now works for Fox News)
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"The problem here is that there will always be some uncertainty about how quickly he can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."
---Condoleezza Rice (9/8/02)
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"Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof---the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud."
---George W. Bush (10/7/02)
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"We will win this conflict. We will win it easily."
---John McCain (1/22/03)
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"My colleagues, every statement I make today is backed up by sources, solid sources. These are not assertions. What we're giving you are facts and conclusions based on solid intelligence."
---Colin Powell, United Nations Speech (2/5/03)
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"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction. There is no doubt he is amassing them to use against our friends, against our allies, and against us." ... "My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators."

---Dick Cheney (8/28/02) and (3/16/03)
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"[T]he area in the south and the west and the north that coalition forces control is substantial. It happens not to be the area where weapons of mass destruction were dispersed. We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
---Donald Rumsfeld (3/30/03)
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"There's a certain amount of pop psychology in America that the Shia can't get along with the Sunni and the Shia in Iraq just want to establish some kind of Islamic fundamentalist regime. There's almost no evidence of that at all. Iraq's always been very secular."
---Bill Kristol (4/1/03)
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Who said war never solved anything?
---Brendan Miniter, The Wall Street Journal (4/8/03)
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"We're all neocons now."
---Chris Matthews (4/9/03)
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"The only people who think this wasn't a victory are Upper Westside liberals."
---Charles Krauthammer (4/19/03)
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Ted Koppel: [Y]ou’re not suggesting that the rebuilding of Iraq is going to be done for $1.7 billion?
Andrew Natsios [Agency for International Development]: Well, in terms of the American taxpayer's contribution, I do. This is it for the U.S.
---Nightline (4/23/03)
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[Liberals] can't deny that President Bush has won his two wars, and won them resoundingly.
---Paul Mirengoff, Powerline (4/26/03)

Even six years later---as many of the same idiots try to justify their delusions of grandeur by rewriting history and making stuff up---words can't come close to fully describing the utter clusterfuckery that was allowed to take place at the direction of war-mad country-clubbers, many of whom had no military experience and no clue what they were doing.

But our troops sure knew what they were doing. They continue to perform above and beyond the call, and their successes in Iraq---despite the myriad ways in which the Bush administration hamstrung their efforts---speak volumes about how resilient and effective our men and women in uniform are. Our veterans deserve every benefit coming to them without question, without fail, and without delay. And the veterans who came back and started advocacy groups like VoteVets and IAVA deserve our profound thanks.

And here are a few bits of good news announced yesterday: combat deaths in Iraq are at a six-year low; the Obama administration, after consulting with veterans' groups, is scrapping its idea to restructure the VA insurance payment system; and the back-door draft is going bye-bye. 'Bout damn time.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, March 19, 2009

Note: I really should take the Christmas lights down.

By the Numbers:
Days 'til Buddha's birthday: 44
Days `til the 2nd annual Naruto/Star Trek Convention in Fort Lauderdale: 8
Percent of Americans who approve of lifting the ban on federally-funded stem-cell research: 52%
Percent who disapprove: 38%
(Source: Rasmussen poll via The Week)
Average number of friends a member of Facebook has: 120
Number of a man's and woman's Facebook friends, respectively, who get more attention than the rest: 7/10
(Source: Financial Times)
Time spring arrives tomorrow: 7:44am EDT

Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

LEGISLATIVE JOKE:

Q: What's the difference between an anus and an asshole?
A: An anus can't put its arms around you.

---April 1991

Puppy Pic of the Day: Coppertone Baby (Canadian Edition)

CHEERS to CNN's angry old man, Jack Cafferty. For articulating exactly the way I feel about the guy we helped put into the White House:

What a welcome change to feel like someone is running the country instead of running it into the ground. President Obama has done more in eight weeks than George W. Bush did in eight years---unless you include starting a couple of wars.

While the armchair quarterbacks second guess the new president, he gets up every day and does things, lots of things. Whether it's creating commissions for women and girls, ordering the investigation of President Bush's use of signing statements, or jamming a huge stimulus package through Congress, the man is working his tail off. And he seems to be loving every minute of it. It's almost as though our president was born to do exactly what he's doing. He's leading, and boy, is that refreshing.

Yesterday we were treated to two examples of what leadership looks like: the president took responsibility for the AIG mess, and then moderated a clear-eyed, funny, instructional, hope-filled and not-pre-screened town hall meeting. And it finally hit me: we not only have a grownup in charge, we have a teacher at the helm. How cool is that?

JEERS to people who deserve to pointed at and mocked. Y'know, I think every human being has worth, but clearly not every human being has common sense. Hat tip to Pam Spaulding for pointing out the latest fundy message to come from Minnesota: if marriage equality isn’t outlawed, THE WORLD WILL END!!! [sigh] Okay, let's pop this bubble now: same-sex marriages have been happening in Massachusetts for half a decade. 18,000 couples are legally wed in California. It's also legal in Connecticut. And also Spain, Norway, Holland, South Africa, Canada and Nepal. So what is so special about fricking Minnesota that makes it the lymchpin for the end of humanity at the hands of the gays? I wait with bated breath to hear how they squirm outta that one.

CHEERS to avian homecomings. Once Customs officials give 'em their full-body-cavity searches, the swallows will be returning to the San Juan Capistrano Mission in California. And thanks to a run-in with a radiation cloud, they'll suddenly go berserk and start feasting on human flesh!!! Which, of course, means the only surviving witness will be whoever's covering the event for Fox News.

JEERS to failed comedians. George W. Bush had to fly to Canada to find anyone gullible enough to pay him for a speech. Protestors---many wielding shoes---made their presence known outside the Calgary Convention Centre, while inside the ex-president (Ooh! I had an orgasm writing that!) displayed his usual tin-eared wit, saying: "I actually paid for a house last fall. I think I'm the only American to have bought a house in the fall of 2008. HehHehHeh..." How cute---he made an economic collapse joke!!! (I hope at least the poor saps attending enjoyed the veal.)

CHEERS to the life and career and good works of Natasha Richardson. Add her name to Sonny Bono's and Michael Kennedy's as high-profile reminders that ski slopes can be dangerous place. Very sad to hear that her head injury claimed her life at 45. Kossack klnb1019 reminds us that she had a heart of gold:

Ms. Richardson was a celebrated actress of course, but she was also a fund raiser for AIDS research. Her father died of AIDS-related causes in 1991. Richardson helped raise millions of dollars in the fight against AIDS through the charity amfAR, the Foundation for AIDS Research.

She was actively involved in amfAR, becoming a board of trustees member in 2007, and participated in many other AIDS charities including Bailey House, God's Love We Deliver, Mothers' Voices, AIDS Crisis Trust and National AIDS Trust, for which she was an ambassador.

You'll find amfAR's donation page is here. Our condolences to her family and friends, especially her husband, actor Liam Neeson. Out of this tragedy comes an important red-flag lesson that could save lives in the future: even if a head injury seems mild, don’t wait to have it checked out.

CHEERS to indoor grilling. Yesterday the House Fine Ants committee put AIG CEO Eddie Liddy---80 percent of whom you and I own, including his head, shoulders, arms, legs, pancreas, liver and balls (eyeballs, you perv)---in a chair to explain just what the fuck is going on over there. His response (from memory): "Dunno, but whatever we're doing the Federal Reserve said it was okay last fall and besides I didn’t cause this mess I only inherited it, so y'all can kiss my grits." But we'll give him bonus points for chatting with Code Pink before he testified. As for what happens from here on out? Knock me down and call me Tinkerbell, but I'm guessing AIG and the Gub'ment will slowly get their act together, split the company up into a million pieces, and barely come out of it with a pulse. But first Mr. Liddy is taking a few moments this morning to finish soaking his ass (which we also own) in a tub of ice water.

JEERS to eye poison. Portland has a new daily newspaper---it's more of a pamphlet, but it's free and covers local issues pretty well---called The Portland Daily Sun. I like it because they publish columns by liberals like Joe Conason and Jim Hightower...but, of course, they have to provide "balance" by also running columns by moron conservatives. This bit of brilliance appeared in a column (warning: the link goes to Town Hall) by Thomas Sowell:

John McCain's daughter...has said how embarrassed she is by having to explain Ann Coulter to her friends. If it wasn't for articulate conservatives like Ann Coulter, both the Republican Party and the country would be in even worse shape than they are now, for there are extremely few articulate Republican politicians who can make the case for any principle.

Yeah, like, say, the Republican principle---so eloquently advocated by Coulter---that says it's okay to say of the survivors of 9/11 victims: "I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much.." Remember, America, you can't spell "Grand Old Pricks" without GOP.

Five years ago in C&J---March 19, 2004: Iraq War 1-year anniversary

JEERS to George W. Bush. 567 of our troops died for his pre-9/11-planned, $100 gazillion (and counting) Father's Day gift. Talk about overkill---all '41' wanted was a sweater.

CHEERS to Howard Dean & Dennis Kucinich. If they'd had their way, 567 troops would be alive and the WMDs would still be...um...not there. Good thing we didn't listen to those fringe kooks, huh?

CHEERS to blogs. Came into their own---big time---before, during and after the show. And fired a warning shot over the head of the snotty, cow-towing traditional media: we're watching you---all of you.

JEERS to Shock and Awe. Shock at how we bullied our allies. Awe of how our intelligence screwed up so badly. Shock at our lack of an exit strategy. Awe of how we pooh-pooh'd the weapons inspectors. Shock at how no one's gotten fired. Awe of how no one's gotten impeached. Shock at "Bring it on!" Awe of fake Thanksgiving turkey. Shock at how quickly Al Qaeda set up shop. Awe of how utterly stuck we are.

And just one more...

CHEERS to the fountain of Ruth. My partner Michael's grandmother turns 96 today. Ninety six! She still lives on her own, has all her marbles, and plays racquetball twice a day. It's mind-boggling to revisit where our country was when she was born...in 1913:

The National Woman's Party formed
The 16th Amendment establishing the income tax was ratified
Woodrow Wilson succeeded William Howard Taft
The first U.S. paved coast-to-coast highway opened
The Shubert Theatre opened in New York
Henry Ford started using a moving assembly line
Gandhi was arrested for leading a miners march in South Africa
The first modern elastic bra was patented
The Panama Canal opened...and so did the first drive-up gas station
Charlie Chaplin started his film career
and... President Wilson said America would never attack another country.

It's been awfully quiet ever since. Happy Birthday, Gram...and 96 great big blessings on your camels.

Oh, and for those of you wondering how my first doctor visit in 18 years went yesterday: it wasn't pneumonia. Turns out a bunch of Glenn Beck's minions climbed through my ear while I was sleeping and surrounded me from the inside---sneaky bastards. This morning I added a bunch of extra fiber to my Bran Buds, so they should be circling the bowl by noon. I love happy endings. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"Bill in Portland Maine is a good friend. I love him."
---Dick Cheney
3/15/09.

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Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

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