As I'm sure you've all heard by now, last night on Jay Leno's show, President Obama made a remark that was infuriating. It was insensitive, it was stupid, it was crass. I'm sure it just slipped out, but still, I'm finding it hard to forgive him, and I'm sure some of you are, too. I just know the right-wingers are going to jump all over this one, and, honestly, I can't say that I blame them.
Yes, I, for one, am outraged!
How dare President Obama insinuate that Starburst fruit chews are somehow cooler than the Washington Monument?!?
That's outrageous talk!
Yes, I know, he was talking about something his daughters said, and I can understand that because they're still young. But still, Barak is really old, like, forty or something, and I think he should have come down stronger on this issue and made it clearer that he did not share this outrageous view. He should have said something like, "And after Sasha and Malia made this outrageous statement, I sent them to bed without supper!" or something. I would have even considered, "Fuck Starburst, the Washington Monument RULES!" just in case. These are dangerous times. We cannot afford to become lax.
To trivialize the Washington monument -- which, I believe, was a gift of freindship from the people who live in the continent of France -- by comparing it to Starburst fruit chews is just inexcusable. What if the French were watching, if, indeed, they have TV sets? What must they think of us now? I bet their newspapers are filled with outrage today! But, of course, we'll never know for sure, because they speak that weird other language that nobody else speaks. That's lucky for us, in this case, because I'm sure we'd be getting an earful! Yes... an ear full of outrage! Fortunately, as it stands, it'll only sound silly to us, something like "Lavec du Monumenteaux de Vhashington les avec des Starburst chew l'fruit! L'America presidente un poopoohead le stoopid! Omlette du fromage! Pomme frite!" Or something. Thank god we'll never know.
There is really no comparison, you know. Even if you stacked Starburst up in a column, the Washington Monument would still be superior, because it's got that pointy thing on the top, that thing that looks kind of like the thing on the back of the dollar bill that's got an eye in it. I don't know what that thing is, but it's fucking cool. A lot cooler than Starbursts, which are all, like, just square!
Also, Starburst candies are tiny, while the Washington Monument is HUGE! You could walk around with a pocket full of Starburst and nobody's any the wiser, but if you even stick a small replica of the Washington Monument down your pants, people will stare at you! I oughtta know, 'cuz I tried it one time, trying to impress the chicks.
(For the record, that trick doesn't work well at all. Women actually ran away from me screaming in horror when I did that. Next time, though, I'm going to try putting it in the front.)
Oh, but I can hear some of the "Obamabot" defenders now, trying to excuse the inexcusible, and I'm just going to take down all those arguments right now:
"But is the Washington Monument filled with mouth-watering fruity flavor?"
I say... yes. Yes it is. Perhaps. Has anybody tasted it? No? Well, then, I rest my case! And I think we should leave it at that, because if we do taste it and find out it's delicious, then we might eat the whole thing and that'd piss off the French worse than they're aleady pissed off now!
"Okay, it was a dumb thing to say, but the president is only human."
This is true, but I say that this proves that we need a cyborg president, one that we can program to not disparage the Washington Monument.
"Ah, give the guy a break, it was just a stupid joke."
Well, certainly. But what's next? "Hey, y'know, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is less interesting than Skittles!" "I like Reese's Pieces more than Monticello!"
Boy, even thinking about somebody saying those things fills me with outrage! A really stupid, stupid outrage, that makes me confused.
"The Washington Monument is a phallic symbol."
So what? We are a multi-cultural society, and I think it's a good sign of our open-mindedness that we can accept symbols from other cultures, such as those from the people of the Phallic civilization.
"Hey, I like Starburst better than the Washington Monument, too!"
Fuck you, Commie!
Anyway, I'm glad I was able to settle that, through a combination of calme, reasonable logic and profanity.
I still like Obama and am sure that I'll get over my outrage, and learn to accept that, okay, he's going to say a stupid thing once in a while. (That "special olympics" comment he made was also pretty dumb, too, by the way, but at least it didn't disparage the Washington Monument). I don't think that this was, in any way, a defining moment.
But, for now - and probably until around, oh, I guess 1:30 or so should do it - I'm outraged!
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Just an add-on to say thanks to all who put this on the rec list! First time ever for me on that one, considering most of my diaries only get a dozen replies or so. I appreciate it, and thanks for understanding what I was trying to do here.
For those who felt I was trying to belittle anyone who was insulted by Obama's remark, all I can say is, that was not my intention, and I'm sorry if that wasn't clear. I think Obama did say a stupid thing - as we all do from time to time - but I think he also owned up to it, apologized, and made amends... and that's not something everybody does. In any case, I wasn't trying to make light of that; I was trying to mock the faux-outrage Republicans are play-acting over this. The same shmucks who defended Rush Limbaugh for mocking Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's disease are now "outraged" when Obama makes a bad joke. Sorry for any confusion, but that kind of Republican hypocrisy does need to be made fun of.
And one thing I've learned from this diary is... there are a WHOOOOOLE lot of reactionary people here who reply to diaries without even reading them! Truly amazing. I've got folks lecturing me who don't seem to even realize this was a silly diary about Starburst and the Washington Monument. I don't mind - in fact, I think it's hilarious - but I will say that people need to get a more original insult than "get a life." I can't count how many times that was used. We're going to have to be fighting the right-wingers online for quite some time, and if "get a life" is a major part of your arsenal, then you're going to be plankton in the food chain. Brush up on your vitriol, detractors!