I am not an economist. Even though I have an MBA, I do not currently understand everything going on in the market. It's not my specialty. But my personal discomfort with Geithner and with the Obama administration's actions don't have to do with financial specifics. They have to do with my general distrust of my government. Distrust that has been sown and harvested over the past eight years. I have to admit, before George W. Bush was our president, I didn't pay much attention. Youth, poverty and distraction for the sake of survival are my only reasons for not paying attention. Now that I am paying attention, I'm scared.
I'm scared because I don't know who to trust. During the presidential campaign, I totally trusted Obama. I didn't trust Hillary because I had read too much (by that time) and I certainly didn't trust or respect McCain/Palin. But I believed Obama had the little guy in mind and was running for the little guy's benefit. And I liked that. I and my family have been the little guy all along. I know what it's like to see your mom juggle bills hoping that the one she didn't pay this month didn't come a-callin'. I know what it's like to eat rice and beans because your single mom can't afford more. I know what it's like to live with the roaches and mice because at least you have your own room. I was lucky. I didn't even know it. We had electricity. We had running water. Who cares if you're living amongst people of ill repute and questionable character? I didn't know enough to even notice.
Fast forward twenty years.
I don't know who's in charge of my government. I don't know that left and right even mean anything. I want to believe that they do. I want to believe that my strong feelings that we as a society should take care of each other is shared by many other Americans. A majority of Americans. How can this not be so obvious? How can some people be so selfish and cynical that they really think they are better than other Americans because they have a better education and better income? And that those "lesser" people deserve to fail and fall through the cracks when the chips were stacked so high against them? I can't fathom such selfishness. We didn't have that in my family. How could we? There was nothing to have.
I don't know what the answer to today's economic crisis is, but I do have faith in the villain other people call "Paul Krugman." I've seen him villified in comments and diaries likening him to the messiah much as the republicans have villified Obama. Just because you are probably right but voicing dissent doesn't make you a villain.
I trust him more than the administration because I don't see who could possibly be paying him off or financially benefitting from him being honest. And that's the crux of it. He's hanging his Nobel Prize adorned neck out there for the good of us all. Frequently. For no other reason that I can discern other than he thinks he's right.
Now maybe he's not. We are in unchartered waters. But he warned of this and here we are. And people who "couldn't see it coming" are now in charge. And who knows what unseen forces are playing their hand? That is my question. Who is in charge and who will benefit? Because I have become as cynical as they get. And scared. What the good-damn-god is going on???
I live in Texas and am surrounded by republicans - although they now prefer the term "conservatives." Because they know W failed completely and want to remove themselves from that shadow of FAIL. But we know they never questioned and never wavered. They only want to rebrand so they can continue their ideological idiocy that got us here. But I ask myself, what would possibly get them to admit that they are wrong? Shredding of the constitution? Absolute financial disaster? American people living in tent cities in 2009????? What will it take???? They still wave the flag and bow to Limbaugh. Nothing will shake them. Nothing.
Then I ask myself, what will shake me of my ideology? My ideology is simple. Society must take care of everyone - and especially the weakest. We must carry each other because any one of us can slip and fall. At any time. With no warning.
But I am worried about our government. I like Obama. I want to trust him. But what will it take to shake my support? FISA? Amping up in Afghanistan? Not holding Bush et al accountable and prosecuting? Not revisiting 9/11? Not holding bailed out companies accountable for their expenses? Pushing Dodd under the bus when he is one of the most progressive voices?
At what point do I decide he's the guy or he's just carrying water for the unseen powers?
I never thought I would ask myself that. My boyfriend is convinced that the republicans and democrats are two different masks for the same front that sow divisiveness while the rich get richer and the masses fight amongst themselves.
I have never held this theory. But at what point do you give? I still don't know. Republicans didn't give even when their favored leaders tortured and started unnecessary wars. Republicans didn't give even when their raptured "free market" failed. I hope we don't allow our favored leaders to continue to finance the rich and undercut the middle class.
I'm not saying that is what is happening. I'm just saying vigilance is key. I am tired of reading the headlines. I wish I could trust my own government. I wish I didn't feel compelled to watch the headlines every freakin' hour because I am so unsure of my own future.
I'm tired. And scared shitless. I may be laid off next week and I don't what to do about it.
Thanks for listening.