I was going to write more about the economy and my personal situation, but writing is such a pain, and then my personal situation became pretty hairy. I drove by three major accidents on I-4 on three consecutive afternoons; I feel like I should be getting hazard pay just for arriving at work on time. Saturday night, my little brother, Chuck, got in a serious accident driving to Daytona Beach. Thank God, no one was seriously injured, but as his legal guardian, I am ultimately responsible. This is not too much of a problem for me; I am financially stable because I am an adaptable generalist, and my father believed in life insurance. To get back to the driving thing, could someone do me a favor and forward this message to the president? Can anyone explain how driving 80mph enriches your quality of life? I drive fast when I'm on a 4 hour trip to see my kids, but getting to work is another matter. I just want to get there safe and a little early. I don't think we need a national speed limit (look what happened to Jimmy Carter when he tried!), but you could address the nation about this subject, right, Mr President? People say you're very persuasive, and somebody needs to tell these goofy, suicidal, MF'ers to slowww dowwwnnnn.....
Dear Zach,
I just wanted to send some advice and admiration for you on your 16th B-day!....And to tell you that I am extremely proud of you and all that you have accomplished in life. Getting straight A's year after year in a school that does not give away A's is quite the heroic feat! That and everything else you two excel in swells my own head and heart, and makes me want to be a better person myself. Grandma always tells me I spoil you guys, but I feel like you've earned everything you have, and deserve every bit of it.
As far as driving goes, other cultures all have differing ages when they say a boy becomes a man, but this is Amerika, dammit, so when you start driving is when you become a man. It's a privilege and a huge responsibility. Driving gives you the ability to hang with your friends and hot women (woohoo!), to help and protect the people you love, to provide for your family, and to kill random strangers or yourself, if you're not paying attention. I know that sounds strong, but I can never really put it strongly enough. I've had two members of my immediate family killed by cars, so you might even say that car deaths are a risk that runs in our family. Driving is more dangerous to you than cancer, terrorist attacks, and even heart disease (which also runs in our family).
Minor accidents can cause tragedies in your life, too, even if no one gets hurt. When I was 20, I was in my second year of college at DBCC. It was a typical, Florida spring that year, and I was planning a trip to France that summer, with Grandma's help. One day, I was about to cross the street into the parking lot of the college, driving my sister's car. I looked left and saw no one coming. I looked right and had to wait for a car to pass. When it did, I hit the gas, forgetting to look back to the left, first. Meanwhile, another car had come around the corner from the left, going about 30 mph. I drifted slowly into the side of it, unable to get my foot on the brake in time (you may have inherited absent-mindedness and semi slow reactions from me, too....sorry!) Nobody was injured, but both cars were pretty much totalled, and your Aunt Patty jumped out into the street, started pounding on the hood of the car and wailed, "You did it!....bleep bleep bleep, ....You did it...!!!!" Needless to say, I didn't go to France that year....or ever, and I had to drop out of full time school, so it took me 5 more years to finish my degree going part time and working. I bought an old crappy Mustang ' 67 that I never managed to fix up, and eventually ended up giving to Aunt Patty. All that for a half-second lapse of attention!
So here are some driving tips for you, to keep you safe and happy on the road.
Driving slow saves on gas and lives, driving aggressively is just stupid. Always coast up to red lights, and conserve momentum.
Give yourself plenty of time, and if you're late, screw it! It may help to set your car's clock 5-10 minutes early.
Tires are very important, and must be checked and inflated. Always have a spare and a jack and know how to use them safely.
If you're going to take a risk, take it with eyes wide open, and always cut the cards to stack the deck in your favor.
Don't play power games with your Mom over when you can use the car; remember it's her vehicle, and she has a tendency to turn psychotic....;)
If you drink and drive, you will lose the privelige, it's that simple. If you drink and drive with Haley in the car, I will personally kick your butt. If you get into a car with a drunk person driving, you're not as smart as I think you are.
Drafting trucks to save gas is ok, but only in light traffic with few exits from the highway.
When driving drunken women home to protect them, remember and respect the limits! Also, don't forget to get the correct address before she passes out.
You'll probably never know true freedom 'till you learn how to ride a bike...and I know your Ma would kill me if she knew I was telling you this. But it's true, so it's something to consider. Remember, there's no shame in riding a scooter, and it can be done safely if you avoid bigger streets. When riding a motorcycle in the city, take the attitude that you're MORE visible than regular traffic, and do everything you can to make that true.
Mornings are dangerous times to drive. Splash your face with water, drink some coffee, and make sure the windshield is clean on misty mornings.
Always maximize your visibility, on a bike or in a car, and don't trust the other people driving with you. The penalty you pay for this privilege is eternal vigilance. Be awake, and on guard, and drive defensively.
Well, I guess that's about it, son. I know that you will handle this responsibility well, as you have with all your responsibilities, and take it seriously. Drive safe, have fun, and go get em, Zach. You've got the world by the tail, son, enjoy yourself and have a happy B-day!
With Love and Pride, Dad