April 1, 2009, Lincoln, CA.
In a proclamation today that shocked Republicans, but not the Democrats, who were busy admiring Michele's biceps on the red carpet of Buckingham Palace as she and That One arrived at a working dinner with The Queen of England,Congressman Thomas McClintock, R, Elk Grove Automall named the yet uncompleted Lincoln Highway 65 Bypass after himself.
The Lincoln Lump, as it appeared last summer. Future on ramp of the Lincoln McClintock Memorial Bypass (photo by diary author)
April 1, 2009, Lincoln, CA.
In a proclamation today that shocked Republicans, but not the Democrats, who were busy admiring Michele's biceps on the red carpet of Buckingham Palace as she and That One arrived at a working dinner with The Queen of England, Congressman Thomas McClintock, R, Elk Grove Automall, named the yet uncompleted Lincoln Highway 65 Bypass after himself.
This press release was issued by McClintock's spokesperson, who decided to remain anonymous until his application for the witness protection program could be completed:
from the office of Rep. McClintock
Henceforth, By the Power Invested In Me By Myself, I Hereby Do Proclaim on this 1st Day of April, in the year of 2009, That the Highway 65 Bypass going around the city of Lincoln California, and dumping all that traffic up in Wheatland, which is a dump in Herger's district so I don't give a hoot, Shall Be Named the McClintock Memorial Bypass. Automatic toll booths using chip readers shall be installed soon at the exit ramp near Ferrari Ranch Road, and a 5% surcharge off the proceeds shall be added to my campaign re election account every quarter. The McClintock Memorial Bypass will be an important part of my legacy of self promotion, and hopefully will remind all those ingrates in Lincoln that they may not ever vote for me, but they will still have to look at my name IN BIG LETTERS every day. Relieving traffic congestion which caused all the little businesses in downtown old Lincoln to die came too late, but we learned from the founding fathers Jefferson, Lincoln, and Reagan that somebody has to make sacrifices in a time of war, and it's better that it's them than Roseville Galleria Mall.
The reaction from his predecessor, the retired Rep. John T. Doolittle, (R, Abramoff's Basement) was swift and emphatic.
"That cheap little Scottish puddock* ! " Doolittle sputtered from an undisclosed location near where Cheney has a bunker. "Those were MY earmarks that started that ! It's mine, mine, I say ! DOOLITTLE BY PASS. That's what it's supposed to say someday. How dare he allow the use of Cuddie** Money in that district. We have rules, we do, we Republicans, you don't live there and you don't give them any of that clan O'Bama money. This is being SOFT ON TERRORISM. This is not good for my favorite Casino. I thought I could trust those Miwoks! Where is Pombo, that two timing bampot*** ! I am calling Daryl Issa immediately to organize a hit squad." Doolittle's voice went up another octave as he started yelling:
"He says he's tighter than a bullfrog's arse, and then he pulls this stunt ! They're not supposed to finish the damned thing, just keep rededicating it every two years in October !"
A Republican who is a member of the State Assembly and represents a state district in the area, wearing a hat and sunglasses, and commenting anonymously from behind a tinted glass window on his SUV, gave the following statement:
"Uh oh." muttering under his breath, "Dammit." "Didn't that bog- stalker McClintock realize that we never actually got the Bypass route completely cleared with the envirowhackos, the design finished as 4 lanes all the way to the end as a throughway, and the state's share of the money funded ?" pause. "Uh, okay. 'McClintock Memorial Bypass' sounds great. Let the Gomeril**** deal with it if he wants his name on it. I'm not going to sweat it. "
Local Democrats were amused. "Look," said one. "The project has been going on for decades. It never gets done. It has some sort of curse on it. The area it's supposed to go around is so full of empty buildings, it looks like a ghost town at night.
*
October 4, 2008 Foreclosed, Never Occupied Houses Sit Abandoned by the Builder, surrounded by a chainlink fence, Next to the Lincoln Post Office (photo by diary author)
*
October 4, 2008 New, empty Storefront in new mall that has never been occupied, next to the Lincoln Post Office (photo by diary author ) Since the photo was taken, a massage parlor and a pizza joint has gone into that strip, still leaving most of it empty
*
If McCarpetbagger wants to own it, let him. Every time we see his name, we can say a 3rd of a billion dollars of taxpayer money on a duplicate road that ends up causing a traffic jam in Wheatland, near the Air Force Base. Support the troops. Give them gridlock. How fitting."
http://www.dot.ca.gov/...
Scottish slang translation:
* puddock= frog
** cuddie= donkey
*** bampot= idiot
**** gomeril= fool