"Ich bin ein Austiner," Obama declares; airlift begins

Barely two days after making the first major furrin' policy decision of his administration, President Barack Obama responded forcefully to the partition of Texastan by reassuring residents of Austin that they will not be alone in their struggle against the Red Tide of Stooopid that is sweeping their state.

"There are some who say that Republicanism is the wave of the future. Let them come to Austin. And there are some who say in Congress and elsewhere we can work with the Republicans. Let them come to Austin. And there are even a few who say that it is true that Republicanism is an evil system, but it permits us to make economic progress. Let them come to Austin!

"Mr. Perry, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!!"

UPDATE: First - speaking of tea-bagging - this diary was written with tongue in cheek, as befits a subject as dire as this. To any who might have missed this important fact, I apologize for my lack of clarity. Second, I love Texas. Some of my best friends are Texans; many of them are a credit to their state. Anyone who wants to talk smack about Texas without the aforementioned tongue planted firmly in the aforementioned cheek can kiss the cheeks of my previously unmentioned behind. Third: How dare I poke fun at certain Texas politicians? Simple: I'm from California, a state whose political figures often have a lot to be modest about. Take my state government - please.

Finally, as ever, thanks for reading! Have a nice day, y'all!