By Michael from Eyesonobama.com:
Texas' Republican Gov. Rick "Haircut" Perry made the toying supposition that, well, mebbe his ol' Lone Star State oughta just mosey on outta the US. Well, I reckon that ain't such a bad idea -- since, except for the immediate improvement to the overall political and philosophical character of the country, we might not even notice the difference...
Driving back to Chicago from a Vegas trip a few years back, we took the southern route, mostly along Interstate 40. When we crossed into the Texas Panhandle region, I wanted to pull the car over, open a beer, and then resume driving while consuming it, since – of course – as long as I was not legally intoxicated, that would not have been illegal in the Lone Star State. Yee-haw – sounds like fun!
My girlfriend was far too nervous about that idea (and it WAS a rental car in her name), so...the beer stayed stored away in the trunk for those few hours, but...THAT’s about the extent of my personal experience with our country’s largest state among the Lower 48. Oh, I have an old friend with connections to Texas who used to prefer yellow roses as her floral gifts...and another longtime friend who moved there to run a major alternative newsweekly – but I believe he spent most of his time in San Antonio and Austin, which, to most Texans, might as well be Berkeley and Cambridge.
Now comes Texas’ Republican Gov. Rick Perry – always still known as (in Molly Ivins’ memorable and pre-Blagojevich phrase) "Governor Haircut" to me – saying that, heck, mebbe we Texans reckon that we don’t rightly care for that fed’ral gummint y’all got up there in Wershington...so...mebbe we need to think about going it on our own agin’ (P.S. Don’t mess with Texas!)...
...Well, hey, as not-at-all-thought-out and unlikely as the pro-secession statement by Perry might be – AND current polling only has it even somewhat supported by around a third of Texans overall (and about half of those who self-identify as Texas Republicans) – it may not be that bad of an idea. In fact, the more I think about it, I gotta say, well, pardners, don’t let New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Louisiana hit ya on yer ass on yer way out of the United States!
Can the US make it as a 49-state union – and can we all grow accustomed to the occasional use of a new saying, the "Lower 47"? Yes, we can! How does a 98-member US Senate and 403-member House of Representatives sound? Uh, pretty easily workable, actually. How about turning the sport of football – REAL ‘Merican football, not that soccer crap – into a fully international sport? Hey, maybe we can even get it into the Olympics then! (Of course, this would also mean that the Dallas Cowboys would have to drop all that "America’s Team" b.s., but...nationwide fans of the Yankees, Celtics, Red Sox, Steelers, Dodgers, and Cubs already question that self-applied label...)
Heck, we won’t actually even lose much money if Texas becomes a true LONE Star of the North American south-central region: Currently, the US Government (I know: boo! hiss!) "only" makes 6 cents on each dollar in taxes and revenue collected in Texas. (For comparison, that federal "profit" from my home state of Illinois – despite all of our allegedly corrupt politicians – is a whole quarter out of each buck.) Yeah, they might end up joining OPEC or something – what with that remaining oil beneath their lands – but, don’t forget, Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez seems more than willing to continue sending semi-cheapish gas and oil to the US...and HE’s apparently more likely to wish to shake hands with President Obama than Perry would seem to be at this point.
Also – think of the people who will no longer be considered citizens of the United States of America...Recent Lubbock-based coach Bobby Knight? Toss him aside like a folding chair onto a basketball court! Former major league pitchers Nolan Ryan and Roger Clemons? Well, that’s one ornery legend in an eternally bad mood and one bully and cheater – so, not that much of a loss. We can give the NBA’s Spurs’ Tim Duncan and a few worthy musicians (Joe Ely, Steve Earle, Nanci Griffith, etc.) passes to land in semi-similar places in the remaining US (like Louisiana or maybe even Nevada or Colorado). But...a secession that officially rids the United States of the likes of Gary Busey?...Hillary (and Haylie) Duff?...Matthew McConaughey?...Renée Zellweger?...and, of course, George and Laura Bush??? Speaking of "Yee-haw!" How soon can we get THAT done? (Plus, stinkin’ former GOP House Majority Leader Tom "The Hammer" DeLay has been hanging around Washington and Virginia for far too long, and this would give us a perfect place to officially deport his ass to...)
So, let them cry "Remember the Alamo!" and print up currency with pictures of Waylon Jennings, LBJ, and Tom Landry on their 5-, 20-, and 100-dollar bills. Allow them to put up matching walls at the Mexican AND Oklahoman borders. We may have to airlift in sprouts, chai tea, and NPR tote bags to the isolated city of Austin, but...so be it. Times are tough – and tough decisions in tough times can lead to...um, interesting results. Besides, it may not be long until Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales, and many of their lying, torture-approving, neo-Con underlings are looking for somewhere to escape to...Now, I wonder – will a once-again independent Republic of Texas have an extradition treaty with the United States? Hmm...
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