This is extremely hard for me to write, and I know that some of the Obama zombies (67% of the American people and 91% of Democrats) might not want to hear this, but it must be said, defending Barack Obama shows that you hate the progressive cause and really want to see George Bush: Part II!
I know, this sounds like an amazing thing for someone who not only voted for Obama in the New Mexico primary and the general election, but volunteered for and gave money to his campaign to say, and maybe it sounds like I'm really some doom-and-gloom guy who just can't accept that President Obama is not, in fact, all-powerful and can't do everything that everyone wants him to do, but to you all I have to say is that you're just enabling another DLC-type, DINO, corporatist, Republican-in-Disguse member of the "We Hate Progressives" club.
Before getting to how horrible it turns out President Obama really is (and let's face it, unless you believe that President Obama is horrible, you're enabling the Blue Dogs) I need to get some things off of my chest:
- I voted for Obama twice! I feel so dirty just thinking about it, not only did I vote for Barack Obama in the New Mexico primary and then again in the general election.
- I gave $150 to the Obama Mafia! I know I know, it's horrible, but it gets even worse...
- I volunteered for Obama. I don't even know what to say anymore, I just bought into that "change" thing he preached, I'm so ashamed!
Ever since Day minus 71 of Obama's failed administration, I've been plagued by horrible guilt, I enabled Obama's terrible and criminal actions as President (and don't you tell me that there isn't enough "evidence" because that just proves how much of an Obama zombie you really are!) I know that some people will try and convince you that Obama is really a progressive by saying that he "supports" things like EFCA, Universal Health-care, and creating Green Jobs; but that's all a bald-faced lie! If he really supported all of that he'd use his magical powers to create universal health-care for all, stop global warming, while simultaneously rescuing pooties from trees (something which Tim Geithner is completely opposed to because he hates the progressive movement) and to suggest otherwise means that you are completely disjointed from reality. I know I've been an Obama-enabler in the past, but my God, we need to spread the word, Barack Obama is bad for progressives, bad for America, and bad for POOTIES everywhere!
Don't listen to the Obama-enablers, after all they've been so star-struck by Obama that they can't see that he's single handedly responsible for dismantling the progressive movement, because now is the time to back a primary challenger against him! Obviously there can be only one option here... bring Huey Long back from the dead to primary him! Some people will call this physically impossible, but you know what you can tell that traitor to the movement? You are just afraid that Zombie Long would beat Obama at the polls!
(The preceding Snark was brought to you in part by the WE'RE ALL DOOOOOOMED Foundation and with a generous grant from the OH NOZ!!!! Coalition.)