In the left corner, weighing in at 62.6%, and fighting for truth, justice, and the American way — the reigning President of the United States, Barack "The Messiah" Obama.
And in the right corner, coming in at 37%, and fighting to keep his ass out of jail — Dick "Fourth Branch" Cheney.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin (D-IL); Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA); Roundtable: Rich Lowry (The National Review), Michele Norris (NPR), Eugene Robinson (The Washington Post), and Chuck Todd (NBC News).
Face the Nation: Former Secretary of State Gen. Colin Powell; Harvard University Psychiatrist Dr. Alvin Poussaint.
This Week: Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen; Roundtable: Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile, David Brooks (The New York Times), E.J. Dionne (The Washington Post), and George Will (ABC News).
Fox News Sunday: Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-AZ); Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE); Bush White House Adviser Karl Rove; Founder of "Bugles Across America" Tom Day; Roundtable: Stephen Hayes (The Weekly Standard), Nina Easton (Fortune Magazine), Bill Kristol (The Weekly Standard), and Ceci Connolly (The Washington Post).
State of the Union: Former DHS Secretary/Gov. Tom Ridge (R-PA); Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA); Sen. Richard Shelby (R-AL); Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-ND); Democratic Strategist James Carville; Republican Strategist Mary Matalin; Reliable Sources: Comedian Bill Maher; Clarence Page (The Chicago Tribune); Chris Stirewalt (The Washington Examiner), and Karen Tumulty (TIME).
The Chris Matthews Show: Michael Duffy (TIME); Katty Kay (BBC); Jennifer Loven (The Associated Press); David Ignatius (The Washington Post).
Fareed Zakaria GPS: Gideon Rose (Foreign Affairs); Author Fawaz Gerges; Bret Stephens (The Wall Street Journal); Author Dominique Moisi; Author Nandan Nilekani; Former Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni.
Primetime viewing:
60 Minutes will feature reports on: the "buy American" clause in the economic stimulus bill; a man who tricked a small town's officials into granting him the authority of a law enforcement officer; and, the potential anti-aging power of red wine.
In fake news...
Jon Stewart showed us how he scored the Obama-Cheney legacy bout.
The Daily Show (Week of June 1)
Monday: ABC News Correspondent Bob Woodruff
Tuesday: Author P.J. O'Rourke ("Driving Like Crazy")
Wednesday: Author Michael Lewis ("Home Game")
Thursday: Actor Will Ferrell ("Land of the Lost")
And Stephen Colbert looked at the Republican party's childlike fascination with renaming things.
The Colbert Report (Week of June 1)
Monday: Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-ND)
Tuesday: Author Katty Kay ("Womenomics")
Wednesday: Journalist/commentator Eric Schlosser
Thursday: Co-Founder/CEO of Illuminated World Dag Soderberg
In other news...
Former President Bush told an assembled crowd that he's picking up where he left off.
It was a humbling moment for the former commander in chief: President George W. Bush was walking former first dog Barney in his new Dallas neighborhood when it stopped in a neighbor's yard for relief.
"And there I was, former president of the United States of America, with a plastic bag on my hand," he told a group of graduating high school students in New Mexico on Thursday. "Life is returning back to normal."
He also discussed how much he's looking forward to penning his memoir.
And he's not alone in seeking to rewrite history.
Mr. Cheney is actively shopping a memoir about his life in politics and service in four presidential administrations, a work that would add to what is already an unusually dense collection of post-Bush-presidency memoirs that will offer a collective rebuttal to the many harshly critical works released while the writers were in office and beyond. [...]
Mr. Cheney’s friends say he does not need the money and has made clear in his talks that he is eager to give a full accounting of his life in politics that will debunk his many critics.
According to a person familiar with a meeting that Mr. Cheney had with a publisher, the former vice president is proposing a memoir that would function not only as the story of his role in four Republican administrations but also as a history of "the entire Republican ascendancy going back to Nixon." This person did not want to be named because of the confidentiality of the talks.
Meanwhile, DJ Jazzy Steele offered up his own ahistorical version of recent events.
The problem that we have with this president is that we don’t know [Obama]. He was not vetted, folks. … He was not vetted, because the press fell in love with the black man running for the office. "Oh gee, wouldn’t it be neat to do that? Gee, wouldn’t it make all of our liberal guilt just go away? We can continue to ride around in our limousines and feel so lucky to live in an America with a black president." Okay that’s wonderful, great scenario, nice backdrop. But what does he stand for? What does he believe? … So we don’t know. We just don’t know.
I guess he forgot about that whole 16-month long primary battle, where Obama was subjected to everything up to and including the "kitchen sink".
The stupid, it hurts!
- Trix