Woo-hoo! The California Supreme Court upheld the narrow majority of voters who bothered to vote in the last election and banned same sex marriage in the state, whether or not many voters were confused that Yes meant No and No meant Yes!
As a Christian, heterosexual, beef-eating baseball fan, I am TOTALLY relieved now that I don't have to worry about my marriage being threatened by some of the unclean being Gay-married and tempting me with unclean things.
I believe our next step in fulfilling our religious freedoms is obvious: let us start the petition drive NOW, to ban football in the Golden State! Because my religious liberties are threatened everytime somebody in this state legally violates Leviticus 11 by touching the skin of a dead pig:
KJV (the only correct version, of course, of the Bible):
"And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.
"Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you."
More and a call to action on the flip side!
If we all sign this petition (start by RECing it and forward a link!) we can get Proposition 69 on the ballot for the next special bi-election, which if we're lucky, we can get scheduled for a rainy Tuesday in mid-February in an odd-numbered year!
here is the text of Proposition 69:
WHEREAS traditionally, the national pastime of America has been BASE-BALL, and it has been recognized as such for many years;
WHEREAS, it infringes upon the religious liberties of those who are devoted to the strict interpretation of the Official Rules of Baseball, which clearly state the ball shall be made out of cow- or horse-hide;
WHEREAS, cloven-foot animals are unclean, and whole-hoofed animals are clean, by long tradition;
WHEREAS, the sport of football, a more recent game than that of our traditional national past-time, is exclusively to be played with a ball manufactured of DEAD SWINE CARCASS;
and WHEREAS, the playing of said sport of football thus violates the traditional definition of a ball-playing sport as practiced in most ballparks;
THEREFORE WE ARE RESOLVED AS CITIZENS OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, to amend the Constitution of the State, to read as follows:
"A game is defined as a sport in which a cow- or horse-covered leather ball, or a vinyl ball, is the only definition of a game that may be legally played in the state of California."
Please CIRCULATE THIS to your out of state friends from the traditional baseball-loving states of the union, as we will need their financial help in creating an appropriate information campaign to persuade fans of our traditional game. Also, don't be shy about inviting your basketball-loving friends and family to join the PROPOSITION 69 petition and campaign! Even though they come from a different background from you and me, they can also be persuaded that football is a threat to their hoops-loving lifestyle.
After this - next stop, banning Red Lobsters, so those of us who eat at McDonalds are not threatened by the unclean shellfish!!!!!
LET'S HEAR IT FOR TRADITIONAL SPORTS, TAKE OUT MEALS, and RELIGIOUS LIBERTY!!!!! Woot!