Comedian Chris Rock once began his monologues with a simple statement, "I was born a suspect." Black men in the audience laughed out loud... until we realized how much truth there was in Rock’s assessment.
Case in point... Weeks ago, a black man took his fiancé to see an L.A. Clippers basketball game at the Staples Center. Later on that night, the police arrested him for taking part in an armed robbery. Since it is reasonable to assume that he could not be in two places at the same time, he explained to the police that he was at the Clipper’s game. The cops did not believe him, and they carted him off to jail, where he spent the next five days, until they released him under a $50,000 bail bond.
Luckily, the man’s fiancé had shot time-stamped digital photos of the couple at the game. And along with official surveillance video from the Staple Center, she proved that the cops arrested the wrong man. So he was released... without so much as an apology.
The word "Alibi" is Latin for "somewhere else." The Criminal Law Deskbook of Criminal Procedure states: "Alibi is different from all of the other defenses. It is based upon the premise that the defendant is truly innocent." An alibi is a mode of defense whereby a defendant attempts to prove that he was in another place when a crime was committed.
If you are a black man, you had better get an alibi. Forget the American Express card; don’t leave home without an alibi, because every black man needs one. "Where were you when (fill-in-the-blank) happened?" Does not matter what happened; they will first look for a black man. And it also doesn't matter whether you are a rich black man or a poor black man. It doesn’t matter if you wear Armani, carry Louie Vuitton or bathe in Boucheron - all that matters is that you fit the description of their deepest fears. The police, bless their hearts, are looking for You first, whenever something goes down on the streets. Sooner or later, you will be accused of committing a crime and/or treated with the same amount of disrespect as someone who committed a crime. So be prepared.
I cannot tell you how many times I've been followed by a police cruiser while the police officer runs my license plate number. And that's when NO crime has been committed by anyone. So be prepared, my Brother, with proof of your innocence. Being right isn't enough for a black man. The prisons are full of innocent black men who are waiting their turn to be exonerated by DNA evidence... or a better camera angle.
According to The Innocence Project, a national litigation and public policy organization dedicated to exonerating wrongfully convicted people through DNA testing, there have been 237 post-conviction exonerations won in 33 states. Seventeen of the 237 people exonerated through DNA served time on Death Row, waiting to die while knowing that they were innocent. wrap your mind around that for a second. The average length of time served by exonerees is 12 years, and the total number of years served by these exonerees amounts to just under 3,000. Their average age at the time of their wrongful convictions was 26. And why do I recommend that black men get an alibi? Well, of the 237 exonerees, 141 are African American. That’s right, we are 12% of the population, but we are 59% of the exonerees.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that that the prison gates should be swung open. There are people in jail who truly deserve to be there. They know it; I know it. But there are also many who are incarcerated simply because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. And some who could not sufficiently prove that they weren’t there at all. Eyewitness misidentification testimony was a factor in 77% of post-conviction DNA exoneration cases in the U.S. And 40 percent of those cases where race is known involved cross-racial eyewitness identification. In other words, we all look alike. So be safe; get an alibi!
Sooner or later you will need to prove - beyond a shadow of doubt - that you were where you say you were. Your story must be rock solid and airtight. Time-stamped photography is good; video is better. Eye witnesses forget when pressured, and even your own memory will get fuzzy after hours of questioning under hot lights, with four cups of coffee and no rest room privileges.
For the sake of argument, let us assume that your reputation is above reproach, with stellar commendations for achievement dripping from your study walls. Your wife and children love you, and even the dog has a kind ruff to say about your character. None of it matters when the knock on the door comes in the middle of night. You need an alibi.
This system does not record your appearances before a judge by the clock on the wall. They use a stop watch to measure how quickly they can import another black man to join you. And, unless he has an alibi, his stay may be longer than yours.
In 1994, after South Carolina’s Susan Smith rolled her car (with her two little children inside) into a nearby lake, she told police what she considered to be a very credible story. She had been carjacked by a black man, who drove away with her sons – 3 years old and 14 months old – still in the car. She even made tearful pleas on television for the return of her children. We will never know how many innocent black men were hauled off downtown to endure intense questioning. Nine days later she confessed to her crime, and black men across the country breathed a collective sigh of relief. But we also began to understand how transient our freedom really is. The woman killed her children because she was seeing a wealthy local man who had no interest in a ready-made family. In other words, she sentenced hundreds of black men to beat downs because she wanted to get laid by Daddy Bigbucks.
You would think that America had learned its lesson by the time Ms. Smith made her false accusation. Just five years earlier in Boston, Charles Stuart shot and killed his pregnant wife, Carol, after driving to Mission Hills, a predominately African American neighborhood. His story of a gun-toting tracksuit-clad black man with a raspy voice made a big splash on the evening news. Stuart had even shot himself in the stomach to make the story more believable. His wife died the following night, and his infant son, delivered by cesarean section, died less than three weeks later.
Meanwhile, the Boston Police turned the city upside-down in a frantic search for the black guy with the raspy voice. And this wasn’t about Richard Kimble’s one-armed man. Black men all over town - many instantly losing the bass in their voices - wondered if they would be targeted for questioning and/or removal. It wasn’t long before the police arrested a black man, Willie Bennett, on unrelated charges, and he instantly became the prime suspect in the murders, for lack of anyone else.
Racial tension in Boston, never the city of brotherly love anyway, reached a fever pitch immediately after Bennett’s arrest. But the case against the prime suspect collapsed when Matthew Stuart identified his brother as the real killer and confessed to involvement in the incident.
What we need to see on late night television is an infomercial for The Black Man’s Survival Kit, which includes everything you need to prepare yourself for the inevitable midnight knock on the door. But don’t worry. If you will follow these instructions precisely, you’ll be assured of not being rushed downtown for the next criminal line-up.
Never stay home alone watching TV, unless there is a TV news crew shooting footage of you staying home alone watching TV. Also, be sure to make at least two phone calls from your land line at different times during your stay. Phone records won’t prove that you were home, but at least it will prove that the phone was used, and the place you called may remember you.
When you go out, be sure to stop by a bank’s ATM machine to withdraw some cash. Doesn’t matter whether you actually need the money. This step is about establishing an alibi with the ATM’s video cam. Are you beginning to understand where I’m going with this?
Wherever you park your car, make sure that it is in a No Parking Zone. You want a traffic ticket of any kind, because it will establish the location of your vehicle when a crime is committed on the other side of town. There’s nothing better than using the system’s own mechanisms to prove your innocence.
If you take your girlfriend or wife to a restaurant, make a fuss, send back the wine, complain that the meal doesn’t taste right. Leave abruptly, in disgust if you must, but make sure that your waiter gets a huge tip – at least a $50 bill - so that you will be remembered. You want to spread the cash around, particularly in these difficult economic times. The more cash you spend, the better you will be remembered when the investigators attempt to establish your guilt.
Remember that it’s not enough to leave an electronic footprint. In order for your alibi to be taken seriously, you must leave a trail electronic of footprints.
The following is a short list of the best Alibi venues:
• Bank ATMs look directly into the camera and smile
• Automatic Toll Booths will photograph your license plate
• Department Store entrances and exits, particularly Walmart
• Gas Stations - always use a credit card
• Convenience store receipts and camcorders
• Amusement Parks in Georgia are always especially mindful of black guests, and will know where you are at all times. A Season Pass ensures several weeks of alibis.
Don’t let the crummy economy give you a false sense of security. Despite the new rush of diversity to our jail cells, never forget that, in the world class menu of The Accused, you remain the filet Mignon. The American Judicial System is really all about the collection and warehousing of black men. If the wide net happens to snag a few Latino and poor white men along the way, it’s nothing more than collateral damage; an after thought, really.
Try not to be disheartened by all this. Just keep your alibis current, relax and be patient. It’s only a matter of time before Madonna gets around to adopting us all.
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Richard Kenyada's new book, Reflections in the Dark Room: The Black Essays is available online, and directly from the publisher
His first book, essays & open wounds while waiting for The Apology is also available.