Huffington Post is reporting that Sarah Palin will be interviewed tomorrow morning on The Today Show. Matt Lauer will be the interviewer.
An Open Letter to Sarah Palin:
Sarah Palin. Sigh. What am I going to do with you? Seriously, just what will I do with you? You burst on to the national scene like a bottle rocket. I remember early one morning putting on my cufflinks as the breaking news blared from the other room:
"What was that, babe? Did they announce it?? Oh my god, tell me it's Romney!"
"Uh. No. It's Sarah Palin? Palin?"
I instantly decided I'd be late to the office. I had to see your live speech. It immediately replaced any obligations I had that morning. It didn't seem long until Mika announced that you'd be speaking shortly, appearing with John McCain for the first time.
But why did you have to tell such a BIG lie in your very first speech?!? Surely you knew it would be debunked almost immediately. Didn't you?
"I told Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks' on that bridge to nowhere — that if our state wanted to build that bridge, we would build it ourselves."
Then you repeated that LIE 37 times in just the first few days of your ascension. But that's not what you said. It's not even close. You took that cash and just dumped it into your coffers. Even the Wall Street Journal told me so. You sent a press release out saying as much in 2007.
I just thought you were batshit crazy. I did. And I thought it was just awesome that you could become a candidate for Veep after just 2 years as a small state Governor. I know you were Little Miss Mayor in Wasilla a few terms, but I didn't think keeping the lights on in a city smaller than my incoming freshman class was worth a hoot. Especially since you left them in $20 million debt on your way out the door. And then there was just so much more.
>Your husband was a card-carrying member of a separatist movement.
>You went to 5 schools in 6 years for 1 degree. In sports journalism. From the University of Idaho.
>You built your $550k house with"leftover materials" from that sports complex you shoved down your poor city's throat.
>You forced rape victims to pay for their own medical services to document the crimes committed against them. How dare you?
>You were hailed by McCain as "the most popular governor in America." Bullshit! If I gave $3200 to every man, woman and child funded by a welfare petro-state... I'd be damn popular, too.[That's $22,400 for a family of seven like yours] I heard the lines at Best Buy that week were just insane!
>Your daughter got knocked up.
Yeah, I went there. I'm sorry. But if Barack Obama's teenage daughter was pregnant with another high school dropout, well... Well, you and I both know I don't need to finish that sentence. Ladies and Gentleman, President Hillary Clinton.
So enjoy tomorrow with Matt. I'm sure the bright lights make you feel like you have your sash on all over again. Parrot your lines. Call my President a socialist. And get another jab in on Dave. Heck, even Michael Steele told America it's "time to turn the channel" on Letterman. Good luck winning that fight. [Didn't Old Johnny Boy impart any wisdom on you?]
Then go back to Alaska and help your state get back on their feet. They need you, they really do. Don't worry, every little tweet you send will be heavily circulated. You'll still be in our collective consciousness, even if you don't know what that is.
I can't wait to read your book!
-Your Pal, You Betcha
Update [shameless]
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From the comment sections:
bettyinIN: "Katie's dick is twice as big as Matt's. No question."
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!