When the Iranian protests started, some conservative columnists criticized President Obama for not immediately denouncing the Iranian government and declaring the election a sham.
They were right. Nothing is more important in Iran than the words of an American president. Obama could have toppled the Iranian regime like a house of kabob sticks if he had spoken out.
How? The following may surprise non-American readers, but this is what happens whenever a U.S. President speaks out against evil.
- The President says something.
- His words are transferred to The U.S. Photoshop factory, where they are embossed and made shiny.
- The words are strapped to the back of a flying unicorn, who soars overseas to deliver the words to the foreign leader in question.
- After arriving, the flying unicorn hurls the words from the heavens like a javelin, killing the tyrant and making everyone yell “Yay!” and “We're Happy!” And possibly other happy words, especially if the unicorn takes a poop, because unicorns poop Skittles.
So when criticizing President Obama for his handling of the Iranian election protests, make sure to ask him this:
PRESIDENT OBAMA, WHERE ARE THE FLYING UNICORNS?!!! I AM USING THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS BECAUSE I AM TRIPLE ANGRY. PEOPLE SAID IF YOU WERE ELECTED, YOU WOULD FLY IN ON A UNICORN AND FIX EVERYTHING. SO DO IT. LEAVE THE UNICORN HORN POLISH AT HOME—JUST GO!!!!!
Sincerely,
Charles Krauthammer
UPDATE: Thanks for all the kind comments! I originally posted this on my blog, Pancake City, and I wasn't sure if you all would like it. Thanks again, and have a nice night.