This is really good news for the Midwest.
Corn harvests had better be big this year. Government best get rid of any of those payments they make for people to not cultivate land. And I can forgive any Midwest corn farmers for voting republican for the rest of their life.
I mean, what better stimulus package for a farmer than month after month, year after year, pious republicans making complete asses of themselves?
It's like every one of them has to outdo the last.
Ensign had it pretty good. Lots of Hypocrisy Points. The man's name, Ensign, means, among other things: A flag or standard, an emblem or badge, a symbol of office. This is their standard bearer. Gather round.
He was a member of promise keepers, an evangelical ministry I've heard cited dozens of times while sitting in my in-laws' Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church in the South. "Promise Keepers next month," they'd say. "All men and boys invited to the event for strengthening of values and the important role men have in building Christ's kingdom." ("Oh, and women are making baskets this weekend at Jan's house.")
Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper
PROMISE 1
A Promise Keeper is committed to honoring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer and obedience to God's Word in the power of the Holy Spirit.
PROMISE 2
A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.
PROMISE 3
A Promise Keeper is committed to practicing spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.
PROMISE 4
A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection and biblical values.
PROMISE 5
A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honoring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.
PROMISE 6
A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity. [sorry Christians, I have to take a Jab here. Biblical Unity? As in, "Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves"?]
PROMISE 7
A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matthew 28:19-20).
Mark 12:30-31 — Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as wife self. (NIV)
Then Sanford comes along and absolutely disappears to another freaking country to have his affair. When did it become acceptable to have an affair in such an obvious way? What happened to the days of carefully planned, secretive engagements, like toe-tapping codes and diaper disguises?
I feel sorry for this mans family, I really do.
But I laughed my fucking ass off when I heard this on NPR today.
I'd already heard he'd shown up and explained he was in Argentina. And that the embassy had no idea. But when I heard the affair, In all seriousness, I laughed so hard and asked myself if I might be dreaming. I really did. And then I called my stock broker.
If we could find a way to employ more people in the popcorn business, the republicans might inadvertently help this country out. The cost of 10 Jobs? not 240,000 each (or whatever bullshit numbers they come up with), just three straight nights of sleeping with a "dear, dear friend." Who's ready to volunteer?