(Diarist's note: Satire, so far as I know.)
WASHINGTON, D.C. — MSNBC political analyst Patrick J. Buchanan has resigned from his job at the network in order to run the campaign of Virginia House of Delegates candidate Catherine Crabill, Buchanan's spokesman, George Foster, confirmed.
Buchanan, whose recent remarks about Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor included a reference to the supposed athletic superiority of blacks, was expected to formally announce the move early Monday.
"Pat Buchanan just believes very firmly in the danger of the United States to the white male right now," Foster said. "Crabill's recent opposition to the policies and platforms of the expanding federal government being overseen by President Barack Obama presented a unique opportunity to Buchanan, and MSNBC has agreed to let him step down indefinitely to pursue this challenge."
MSNBC CEO Gordon Gregory's spokeswoman, Frida Gallows, said the network "appreciated Buchanan's many years of insight into American and international politics" but wouldn't comment on Buchanan's future plans with the cable news outlet.
A representative for Crabill's campaign couldn't be located for comment. Preston Douglass, Virginia RNC chairman, wouldn't speculate on Buchanan's announcement but did say "We have had a lot of liberal big-government thinking in Washington, and it's trickled down into the Virginia Democrat Party, and Catherine Crabill represents an excellent opportunity for Virginians to once again stand for their state's sovereignty."
Crabill has drawn the ire of progressives and some Virginians for what they say is a "call to revolution."
"Basically, from my perspective, she's saying that if the government doesn't stop what it's going, we need to revolt," said James Madison University sophomore theater student Cari French, who resides in Crabill's district and plans to vote for "whoever runs against her."
"That (revolution thing is) nuts. This whole bullet box thing? Does she think she's George goddamn Washington? She needs to step back, realize she's running for a rinky-dink political office and focus on getting her picture taken with people's babies. That'd be a lot more effective than trying to form Crabill's Militia or whatever."
For his part, Buchanan has recently decried the plight of the white male in American society, arguing that efforts to increase diversity and give minorities more chances for advancement and success amount to disenfranchisement of and racism toward white males.
"It used to be that if you were born in the right family and went to the right schools, you could go to the Ivy League school of your choice," Buchanan lamented recently. "Now they're letting all these ethnic so-called 'diversity' candidates go to classes at Harvard, where before you might see a Latina or a black person at Harvard only at lunch — when they'd be serving it.
"I think this (nomination of Sotomayor) frankly represents the greatest affront to white male culture, to the traditionalist, pro-Christian, conservative ruling class, the greatest threat to the establishment since Madalyn Murray O'Hare burned her bra to protest prayer in schools," Buchanan concluded.
It wasn't immediately clear what Buchanan meant by the O'Hare reference; no such event could be located in any history book. Buchanan directed inquiries regarding the alleged incident to his Web site, theamericancause.org, which contained no immediately obvious indications regarding any time at which O'Hare lit anything on fire.
"And you know, another problem we have right now is with the notion that empathy is something we should want. I want my Supreme Court justices to be blind in how they apply the rule of law -- law written by white men for this country, which white men built up from the wilderness the Indians had been living in for centuries before they left it. We shouldn't be giving people so many handouts, feeling so sorry for them. The people at that Daily Kos blog need to understand that to white males in America, having empathy for the races is a very dangerous proposition. The next thing you know, women are wearing pants. Pants!"