State-run Malaysian news outlet Bernama has, uhh, interesting news about ways to decrease your chances of catching the H1N1 Swine Flu, courtesy of Dr. V. M. Palaniappan:
Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities are among preventive measures one could take against Influenza A (H1N1), according to an eminent practitioner of complimentary therapy.
Supposedly furiously masturbating and gay sex cause the body to produce a lot of acid through all the friction. This "hyperacidity" is dangerous because it can help compromise one's immune system. Straight couples don't have to worry, though:
"Thus, the body becomes an easy target for H1N1 infection," he told Bernama, emphasising however, that normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.
I'm not really sure if that makes that much sense to me, but hey, Malaysia isn't that far behind us in the WHO rankings.
Palaniappan also cautions against running marathons and eating too many acidic foods.
There are, however, things one can consume to avoid the Swine Flu:
Dr Palaniappan recommends coconut water, which is alkaline, and therefore could be used as a herbal medicine for the prevention of H1N1.
So remember, kids, gay sex and furious masturbation will get you the Swine Flu, and coconut water will help keep it away.