WT News Service-They say that politics makes strange bedfellows, but in a move that seemed all but inevitable the three fringe groups currently battling President Obama on different fronts have united to join forces in defeating him.
The so-called "Birthers," those who believe that President Obama was born in Kenya and therefore not eligible to be President, the "Deathers," who believe that Obama's healthcare plan calls for euthanasia panels, and the "Teabaggers," libertarians who want to limit government's role and are against taxes, have gathered together to create a manifesto in the hope that their collective power will bring Obama down.
This reporter has surreptitiously joined the gathering and obtained a copy of this manifesto prior to its release.
Although in draft form, the manifesto reads as follows:
The healthcare reform proposed by President Obama, who is actually not president-being born in Kenya and therefore not eligible for the presidency of the United States- will cause an undue burden on U.S. citizens by imposing a socialist-communist system on the already over-taxed American people-those of whom are elderly [who shall soon be dead due to euthanasia panels required in the new bill]-in particular.
Due to non-President Fuehrer Chairman Obama's plan creating this unduly burdensome and deadly healthcare Soviet-style-Fascist system on the United States, we the Birther, Deather, Teabagger (BDT) coalition petition for the impeachment of non-President Fuehrer Chairman Obama, which is really moot, since he is really not President, due to the fact of being born in Kenya, or even Hawaii-which is really not a part of the United States-we think.
Furthermore, we call for the defeat of his healthcare plan which will expand the role of government into the private lives of Americans by putting the government bureaucrats between patients and their medical decisions, as opposed to having free-market capitalistic corporation bureacrats between patients and their medical decisions, which does not impose the burden of increased taxation on U.S. citizens, the costs being paid directly by said citizens in the form of premiums and co-pays, which is what John Adams wanted in the first place.
We the BDTs believe that the Founding Fathers who wrote the Constitution did not envision a public option for healthcare, nor death panels making end-of-life decisions for senior citizens, being that in their time 40-years-old was considered a senior citizen, and healthcare consisted of going to the barber for a shave and treatment of leeches and blood letting, therefore non-President Barack "Hussein" Fuehrer Chairman Obama has no right to usurp the power of the Constitution in imposing a defecit-producing, senior-citizen killing, healthcare bill upon the American public.
Thus ends the screed composed in an all-night session of frenzy, cobbling together the disparate views of these three groups. After drafting the manifesto, the groups went their separate ways, picking up their Obama-with-a-Hitler-mustache signs, their "No Death Panels" signs, and their "Keep Your Hands off of My Medicare" signs.
Noticeably absent from this coalition is the group that believes that the new healthcare plan will serve illegal immigrants and therefore want to build a gigantic cement wall around the United States. Called "Wallers" by some, this group was apparently unable to leave their posts on the borders of Mexico, Canada, and Russia to attend the gathering.