Sources close to President Obama's inner circle say he has listened to the Republican teabaggers, birthers, gun-toting militiamen and town hall criers and that he "hears them loud and clear." After some long and painful reflection, he has decided to give them back their country.
Because there is so much concern about what the government is going to do to grandma, the first step of winding down the federal government will be to end Medicare and Social Security. According to sources, Republicans and their libertarian allies have convinced Obama that America's seniors can take better care of themselves with the help of their families and the free markets, which are better equipped to provide for their dignity, health, and well being. Ending these wasteful programs will save taxpayers trillions of dollars, and reduced life expectancies will result in huge bonus savings on health care costs.
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