Scott writes for Examiner.com. Check out other articles at http://www.examiner.com/...
Ladies and Gentleman, America is quickly becoming a Birther Nation(1); we're just allowed to live in it - for now.
But before you judge these patriotic Americans, who clearly have only the best interests of the country in mind, and not just some wild plot to get that half-African out of the White House, the Birthers, in all reality, may be the only sane people left.
According to the legend(2), on August 4th, 1961, a half-black, half-white baby was yanked into the world at the Kapi'olani Medical Center for Women and Children in Honolulu, Hawaii. This "child" was slapped by big Hawaiian hands and named Barack Hussein Obama. He enjoyed a fairly normal upbringing, got into his share of trouble, took up smoking, became a vile community organizer, concealed his true origin of birth at every turn, and became interested in politics.
So after corrupting his soul in the arena of Chicago politics, Barack Obama got an itch to become President of the United States. Luckily, his true birth in Kenya had been so well covered up throughout his life, just in case he got that presidential itch, that he sailed through the campaign and became our first ever Kenyan president.
Yet this legend, even the admittedly summarized version presented above, raises many disturbing questions. For instance, was Hawaii even a state in 1961? Nobody knows. Do babies in Hawaii even count? Doubtful, as many experts have pointed out that Hawaiian babies are far too full of sunshine to be considered actual Americans. Would a Hawaiian really leave Hawaii in favor of Chicago, Illinois? Only a very stupid one, say many authorities who study the correlation between weather and stupidity.
So where does that leave us? In a quandary, I'm afraid.
Despite overwhelming evidence that Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, as he claims, Birthers have adopted the patriotic stance that facts and evidence prove nothing. They are merely nuisances that need to be ignored. For example, facts and evidence can provide annoying obstacles for nations intent on invading other nations with no qualifying reasons to do so. Yet, when the real facts and evidence block a nation's desire to drop bombs and soldiers on another nation, the former may invent facts and evidence that contradict the real facts and evidence. So, as the Birther's have realized, facts and evidence are malleable. They can be bent and reshaped to fit the particular stance in question. If the original facts and evidence don't support your initial theory, make some up(3)! People, you can start wars with invented evidence!
So, if you're still on the fence about whether or not to become a Birther, allow me to present some irrefutable facts regarding Barack Hussein Obama.
His name, to most Americans, sounds very ethnic.
Both Kenya and Hawaii, while miles apart on a globe, sound quite ethnic.
"President" Obama looks very ethnic. His face appears to have a perpetual tan. I recall during the election (in November!) his complexion remained dark and foreboding.
Chuck Norris has come forward as a Birther. There is no one in America more patriotic than Chuck Norris. Nobody. He is a Christian, he works out a lot, keeps a trophy wife, and knows karate.
G. Gordon Liddy, an admitted Birther, has a very thick mustache(4).
Now, while these facts alone don't prove Obama's Kenyan origins, they do point undoubtedly in that direction. Even misinformed "Obama was born in America"-cans must acknowledge this.
Now, the bombshell:
A Kenyan birth certificate(5) has surfaced on the World Wide Interweb (the one with the e-mails).
Despite many flaws in the document, flaws so glaring(6) that its existence questions the very historical timelines of Kenya itself, the document must be authentic. You don't need any further proof than that. It simply must be.
Chuck Norris' television program, "Walker, Texas Ranger" was the greatest show in the history of television. Why? Because it is.
So, ladies and gentleman, as the Birther movement surges(7), ask yourselves one very important question. Does the Kenyan birth of Barack Hussein Obama, even though he was born in Hawaii, constitute immediate impeachment proceedings for this presidential fraud? If you answer, yes, I urge you to write or call your congressman or woman immediately. They must be made aware of your interpretation of the truth.
The prosecution rests.
Links:
(1) http://www.birthers.org/
(2) http://en.wikipedia.org/...
(3) http://www.alternet.org/...
(4) http://1.bp.blogspot.com/...
(5) http://righttruth.typepad.com/...
(6) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
(7) http://www.obamaconspiracy.org/...