Everyone has heard how the democrats want to kill your grandparents. They want to set up death panels, decide which grandma has the least chance to live and which grandpa has the most health problems so we can pull the plug on them first. I'm sure there are even a few democrats that are getting giddy about the chance to sneak into nursing homes late at night and smother the unsuspecting seniors who have lost the ability to defend themselves. Of course the democrats have been plotting this for decades, ever since they lost the last health care reform fight. This time around they decided to sneak in provisions to kill old people, just to get back at everyone for defeating their reform efforts the first time.
Well I have news for everyone, news that hasn't gotten much coverage recently. The democrats haven't focused on this because they are stuck on trying to get the republicans to buy into their plots, so they don't want to upset them too much. This may startle some of you, but everyone needs to know - the republicans want to eat your babies. They want to stick them in the oven, roast them in a honey glaze, and dig into them with forks.
How did I come to this startling revelation? You have to go no further than the article "Protecting Our Seniors" written by Michael Steele, the current head of the republican party. In his article he announces the Seniors' Health Care Bill Of Rights. This is good, because we definitely need to protect our seniors. But something is missing - no one else is protected. No one else receives any kind of guarantee of any help related to health care. Now you just have to connect a few dots here. The adults can take care of themselves; they aren't the ones everyone says are at risk when things like the flu roll around. Who is the other group of our population that is at risk? Your babies!
The republicans want to leave the baby population completely unprotected when the next flu epidemic rolls around. When Grandma Louise and Baby Emma get sick, they want you to think, "Well grandma is covered and baby isn't, so looks like baby will have to suck it up." Then they will organize a system for you to donate your dead babies in exchange for a small pittance. They will take all your dead babies to their secret compound and start the cooking process. Just now they must be stocking up on roasting pans, salt, and pepper. When you see that smirk on your senators face or the occasional chuckle of your representative, you can be sure they are thinking of the tasty flesh they will soon bite into.
Apparently they have taken Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal to heart. We must meet this new threat with vigilance. It will be a hard battle, but if we let everyone know the truth, there is a chance our babies can be safe. There is no time to sit by; we absolutely must stop the baby feast that is fast approaching. I call upon everyone who has a republican representative or senator to contact them and ask, "Why do you want to eat my babies?"