It's twelve o'clock, do you you know what your kids are eating?
If you cut a chicken in half, can you count it's rings to see how old it is? What's that you say? Chickens don't have rings? Now I'm confused. On my children's school lunch menu it clearly states that on Monday, January 26, that the first menu choice is Goldkist®Chicken Rings. So, you may be wrong. Somewhere in that bird Goldkist® has managed to not only find rings, but also lightly bread, fry and freeze them with lots and lots of yummy preservatives.
There's some other fun chicken parts too like Tyson® Chicken Nuggets. Do only boy chickens have nuggets? There's also Zartic® Popcorn Chicken Bitz! What the hell is that? Are the folks at Zartic® not even sure what the chicken part is? Chiken Bitz? Really? I mean, don't our kids deserve an occasional identifiable chicken part. Is the thought of printing the words 'chicken breast' too politically incorrect? Do rings and bitz sound better that leg or thigh? Does everything they eat have to be reshaped, breaded, laden with hydrogenated death serum and stamped with a "®"?
That's another thing. The menu looks like a Collegiate Football Bowl Game sponsorship list. (Tostito's® Fiesta Bowl, Allstate® Sugar Bowl) There's Kellogs®, Smuckers®, Trix®, Pierre®, Luigi's® and, of course Tyson®, Goldkist® and Zartic®....®®®® !!! I can't take it! Can anyone pour some sauce on some spaghetti or slap cheese between slices of bread or hand a kid an apple without a corporate label?? Yes, someone can. YOU. Pack your kids lunch. Wrap a PB&J in some wax paper, go to the dollar store and invest in a reusable thermos, and teach little johnny how to peel a banana. It's much easier, actually, than opening a cellophane snack cake wrapper and you'll know what your little ones are eating. Everyone wins. Yes, capitalism may rear it's head and Johnny may trade a homemade cookie for a Goldkist® Chicken Ring now and then, but mostly you'll know he's eating well. There now, don't you feel better?
Wrap it up, I'll take it!
FV® HA!