THIS IS CRAZY CARL'S TEA PARTY SHOP WHERE THE PRICES ARE INSANE!
Come on down to where the "real" people live and ALL NAZI UNIFORMS ARE 50% off this week! I'm not kidding! And even though I'm disgusted, I'm incensed, and even though I can't look away, I just have to take a loss on BUY ONE GET ONE FREE GAY PARADE SPEEDOS (while supplies last). These speedos have only been used once and have some slight grinding wear on them.
Have you ever been locked out of a home but don't have the proper paperwork to claim what's yours? Then get my HOME REPO KIT, which includes the CHASE "THAT DOOR WON'T BE FORECLOSED FOR LONG" CROWBAR and PC ROBOSIGNING PEN® (includes USB, serial, parallel and PS2 connnections, Windows 95 only), now HALF OFF when you buy any NOT SO TOXIC MORTGAGE PACKAGE.
Now I don't know why they're not more popular, but I just got a truckload of these TEA PRTY RALLY SIGN DIKSHUNARYS and we're giving one away FREE with every purchase! Let everyone know Obama is a comunits!
And don't look now folks—I've told you CRAZY CARL IS CRAZY!—I hope you're sitting down.
I'M GIVING AWAY EVERY QUOTE BELOW AWAY FOR FREE! THAT'S RIGHT, FOR FREE! HA HA HA.
Half a billion dollars on a school? Did they build Los Angeles a Hogwarts?
—Lewis Black on The Daily Show.
The red states are getting redder, the blue states are getting bluer, and I say we should unite under the red, white and blue. Because that's really what it's all about.
—Sen. Olympia Snowe (R,ME)
Ok, tell your party to go first.
I cannot in good conscience accept an endorsement from an organization that would stand with a governor who has consistently put developers, oil companies and the special interests first
—Senatorial candidate Kendrick Meek (D, FL), who turned down the Sierra Club's "co-endorsement" of Meek and Charlie Crist for the U.S. Senate.
At least one person in that race has principles.
The banks weren't reading the fine print? The banks? You're the fucking people who came up with the fine print in the first place. We never read the fine print.
—Jon Stewart on the foreclosure scandal.
Why, against that framework, would anybody be so un-American as to suggest that Muslim Americans cannot worship their God according to their conscience? Now it's a false religion, no question about that, but they don't have to agree with me on that.
—Margie Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church, whose lawsuit from a family whose son was killed in Iraq is now being heard by the Supreme Court.
That almost sounds sane, in a Phelpsian way.
Maybe I'm just one of those yahoos, but I think it's crazy to take anything off the table. Unfortunately I think Cantor is repeatedly making this mistake.
—Mark Meckler, cofounder of the Tea Party Patriots, who is upset that Rep. Eric Cantor (R, VA) said he would not shut down the government.
You know what I'm proud about? I'm proud that I live in a country that cares for people who are in need. I'm proud to be a Christian in America who cares about people who don't have.
—Democratic strategist Chris Hahn to Stuart Varney on Neil Cavuto, in response when asked if he was proud to live in a country with a record number of food stamp recipients.
Beck would never say anything about a conspiracy, would never advocate violence. He'll never do anything... of this nature. But he'll give you every ounce of evidence that you could possibly need.
—Byron Williams to journalist John Hamilton. Williams was in a shootout with state patrol in California in July on his way to a plan of violence at the Tides Foundation.
That's what Charles Manson said.
Got to hand it to The Guardian. We are sooooo busted. What's really sad is that this is exactly the type of fearless, extremely well-sourced investigative reporting that sites like ours are putting out of business.
—Arianna Huffington in an IM to The Daily Beast's Tina Born "leaked" on The Huffington Post snarkily referring to a Guardian article about a feud between the two.
Is she talking about Lindsey Lohan or the latest celebrity sideboob photo?
I'm not a homophobic.
—Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino (R,NY)
No sir, you are a wordsmith.
What I tell the President is, 'We're clinging to our guns, our religions and our ammunition."
—Senatorial candidate Rand Paul (R, KY).
Does that include Aqua Buddha?
I think every speech should begin with a shot of tequila.
—Senatorial candidate Carly Fiorina at the Hispanic 100 Lifetime Achievement Award Dinner.
Is that Cuervo Gold Parachute you're drinking, ma'am?
He reacted before he had all the facts. He didn't know the whole story. He didn't understand what historical reenacting is all about, or the education side of it. And he just made a decision without all the facts. My opponent here is cut out of the same cloth.
—Nazi reenactor and Congressional candidate Rich Iott (R,OH), on Eric Cantor's repudiation of his actions.
This ain't Godwin's law, buddy. It's the real thing.
Our state-run media is so corrupt that they will not report that a book was hurled at Obama and barely missed hitting his head.
—Jim Hoft
What do you call I'll-just-make-shit-up-right-wing media?
Okay, now that I’ve bored you to tears.
—Jay Nordlinger on The Corner, after his post on Chopin etudes.
Dude, you had me bored at hello.
This is a typical liberal. They're some of the nastiest people you could possibly imagine.
—former FBI agent Gary Aldrich at the Virginia Tea Party Convention. The slide was of Hannibal Lector.
Nice to know he's a FORMER FBI agent.
Even our supermarkets aren't sacred. How dare they construct a tower of Islamic soup so close to ground beef. It's offensive.
—Stephen Colbert on Campbell's line of halal soups.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday around lunchtime.