This is the moment none of you have been waiting for.
I have decided to make a Sarah Palin Award for Excellence in Conservatism to the person who has done the most to promote conservative values and ideals in America. Though you have never heard of this award you can not misunderestimate its importance as one of this year's nominees George W. Bush would say.
This is the third time I have made a Sarah Palin Award.
Past winners:
- Tina Fey.
Sarah Palin made a good run for the award but Tina Fey just flat out out-Palined Sarah herself. "I can see Russia from my house" will go down with "Tippecanoe and Tyler too" and "I like Ike" as a famous campaign slogan, but Sarah never said "I can see Russia from my house," Tina Fey did. The important point is that "I can see Russian from my house" sounds like something Sarah Palin did actually say.
Sarah Palin came in second.
- Glenn Beck.
Palin came in second. If the vote had been taken right after Sarah Palin made her infamous "death panel" tweet then she would have won this walking away. But politics is like show business and timing is everything. For sheer in your face conservative American values and dog gone good old common sense no one can top Glenn Beck. Beck's "this guy is racist" remarks were just so conservative that they simply can not be topped though many will try.
Perhaps if Sarah had stuck with her boring old Governor of Alaska gig she just might have won her own award.
2010:
Making the award this year will not be easy and I know you have been awaiting my nominees. You have suffered enough so I will release them now even though we still have another month left in the year.
The nominees are:
Christine O'Donnell. It will be hard to beat a someone who is not a witch and who fought so bravely to keep us from playing with our genitals.
Glenn Beck. Just because. He is really hard to beat.
Rand Paul. You have to admit that questioning whether or not restaurant and hotel owners have the right to not allow certain racially undesirable groups to use their property is a very conservative proposition.
Janet Brewer. Your Papers Please is a real show stopper, but then she followed up with a whopper... beheadings in the desert canard. Nothing whips up xenophobia like a good old beheading.
Sarah Palin. After all it is her award. She did wave the flags and salute the troops at Beck's back to God, Jesus, The Bible, and The Book of Mormon rally. But, Sarah gets on camera a whole lot but really does say much these days except that Fox is not part of the Lame Stream Media.
Sharron Angle. If the field wasn't so crowded I would say that the Hispanics look Asian to me quote would put her over the top. But with so many other qualified applicants this year it just might not be enough.
Joe Miller. Conservatives have been valiant in their efforts to clean up elections. None has done more than Joe Miller in fighting those corrupt Alaskan Republicans who stuffed the ballot boxes with write-ins for Murkowsky or whoever.
George W. Bush. I know George W. Bush is now so highly disregarded that most conservatives pretend that the idiot they put in charge of our country for most of the first decade of this century didn't really belong to them. In any case saying that you personally authorized water boarding which according to your attorney was not torture is a pretty ballsy thing to do given all of the laws and treaties that forbid such practices. It may be politically expedient to ignore such violations of human rights, American law, international law, and just plain human decency, but it would not be fair to the world to ignore such behavior when we consider the Sarah Palin Award for Excellence in Conservatism.
Speaking of write-ins the floor is open for your nominees. Please add them in the comment section.