Obama!
He's good. No he's not.
Yes he is. No he's not.
He's great! He's a conservative! More progressive than anyone since Millard Filmore! More liberal street cred than Cenk Ugyur! To the right of Bush! To the Left of Kucinich, based on actual accomplishments!
He's the second coming -- of Reagan! He's a cult of personality! You're in a cult! You're a hater! He's not a witch! He's YOU!
You're him! You're a shill. You're a firebagger. You're an Obamabot! You're me! I'm not me! I used to never be linfar, now I'm no longer RainbowBrite! She was RealityBites anyway. But anyway, I digress. We were talking about Obama.
Who is he really? What's he believe? I believe in change. I believe he changed stuff. What stuff? GITMO is still open! He's personally holding the door to GITMO open, over the loud objections of congress people who vote to kill bills that would kill GITMO! You're an apologist, and I don't apologize for saying that.
This place is going downhill. It's an uphill battle to keep this place a level playing field. You people are slanted. Us people?!?!? If that's what you think of us, what must you think of Obama? There, I said it. I should Primary you. You should primary Obama. With who? Everybody! Frankly, I think FrancisLHolland! could probably win, if Marc Penn ran the campaign.
Axelrod and Gibbs are out to get us! They've always had a secret deal with big Pharma to remove kleenex from all the restrooms and replace it with folger's crystals! Lets see if you can tell the difference. Madge, we're soaking in it! We should get Madge to primary Obama! The baby in the eTrade commercials could run with her.
Wait, that baby is a SHILL for the financial services industry! That baby wants to privatize social security and invest it in rattles futures! The baby will outsource crib-building jobs to China! That baby is no Progressive! We are The Left, and we get to determine who's sufficiently Left! Anyone to the Right of me isn't Left! Anyone to the Left of me is always Right! Unless they argue against me, then they're passionate! Not like that Obama! He was passionate during the campaign, but now he's weak!
He negotiates with himself! Except against the Left, in which case there's no negotiation, just firing of teachers! Why didn't he just capitulate to the teachers? He's not the only adult in the room! I'm an eminently reasonable adult and I happen to think he's corporatist who's in the pocket of Moderate Independents! Except that he wants them all out of work! Because then, they'll vote for him! See how diabolical this whole thing is???!?!?!?!