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[Tonight's diary is a fill-in for the scheduled host, who was unable to access her computer tonight.]
While I'm still reeling (and only starting to process) my personal loss and our collective loss of our dear friend exmearden, I find my grief thoughts turned to the plight of someone else in my life.
Due to privacy laws concerning my relationship with this person, I am unable to share any personal details, such as gender or age; suffice it to say that this person is a legal adult. For ease of narrative, I will use the male pronoun throughout, though I am declining to state whether this story is about a male or female. I know this would be better reading if I could give you all the gory details, but I cannot, so please bear with me.
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Recently, I received an email from one of my students that I found extremely disturbing. The note began: "I lost my family this week."
This email came to me just days after our exme passed away, so it was an immediate shock to my system. The note went on to explain that due to an irreconcilable difference, this person's family had decided to cut him off. In short, he was told that he needed to comply with the family stance on an issue of importance (who he could associate with), or lose all financial and emotional support. In addition, to stay in their good graces, he would have to agree to transfer to another school altogether (as though that is a simple process with no notice, over the Thanksgiving holiday). It was apparently an ugly scene that took place.
I spoke at length with him, and he is receiving counseling. His tuition bills are paid through the spring, he has a job, and will be moving out of campus housing into a good situation that he can afford.
Apparently, this is how his family has always managed his behavior. The threat of withdrawal of support and love has been wielded mercilessly.
Can I tell you how shocked... SHOCKED... I was to hear that these people are hardcore teabaggers? I know you're shocked too, right?
Anyway, this person decided enough was enough and that they were done owning him. Yes, he'll be poor, but he won't be out on the streets. Today was the coup de grace: they boxed up all the items he had left in his family home, including a pet, and dumped them at the campus housing. These items included all the gifts he had ever given them, and other mementos. They have essentially removed any trace of him, and their parting words were "have a nice life." Literally.
Let's think for a minute about the level of shock and grief that this young person is only starting to process. I am truly sickened by the entire episode - not just the crappy parenting (although that does indeed turn my stomach) - but by the way anyone could simply cut their child out of the family, seemingly without remorse.
Grief is in store. He seems simply bewildered and stoic right now, but it is only a matter of time before something big will have to give. I can only pray that he's got the support he needs to carry him through the holidays and into sudden-onset adulthood. I have given the best advice I have to give, but in the end, I am not his friend. I have to give him the grade he earns, and can only pray that he earns one good enough to help him keep his scholarship money.
What does one do? How does one survive such a thing? I know it happens every day, across this country: young people are turned out of homes or run away from controlling, hateful, intolerant, likely-not-liberal parents.
I am grieving sympathetically for this young person, who is only just now learning what grief is.
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What are you grieving about tonight?