On this Valentine's Day, I have one simple question for you. What do you think you need in order to get married in the United States?
Love? Nah.
Commitment? Nope.
I'll give you a hint. You need two things.
Money and a full time job? Try again.
A pulse and a body temperature of 98.6? Well, you're getting closer now.
Turns out, none of those things are required in order to get married in this glorious United States of America. The only things you need to get married are a "pee-pee" and a "wee-wee".
Yup, that's it. Everything else simply doesn't matter. As long as one person has a pee-pee, and the other, a wee-wee, then you're fit to be married, with all of its benefits.
This week, 53 year old Kitty Lambert went to the Buffalo City Hall to apply for a marriage license with her longtime partner Cheryle Rudd. Because these two people each have a wee-wee, they were denied permission to marry.
So, instead of turning around and leaving, Kitty came up with a brilliant, brilliant idea.
She turned to the crowd, and asked if there was a man willing to marry her.
22 year old Ed Manz came forward. This gay man had the requisite pee-pee, and so the clerk promptly agreed to issue a marriage certificate.
I've seen and heard many arguments for and against same-sex marriage. Foes claim that allowing same-sex marriage would "denigrate" the sanctity of marriage, and would lead to the destruction of the family. But how is marriage to be protected when two virtual strangers can be granted permission to marry simply because they have the requisite plumbing?
If you want to protect marriage, allow people who love each other and are devoted to each other the equal right to devote their lives to each other. Churches need not get involved. It's a civil right. It's rights of property, of visitation, of inheritance, of protection.
As Kitty says:
For $40, I could give Ed my home, my health insurance, and we wouldn’t even have to live together. And yet my partner has had cancer twice, I have heart issues, and we’re dealing with that. I can’t protect the woman that I love, although I could die of a heart attack tomorrow and I could lose her to cancer over the next two years. And that’s scary.
Very scary, indeed.