Yeah, ok. So... I was getting desperate. That's what got me goin' this time around. Last time, too, in fact. Maybe you've been there? Broken heart, the world sucks, not out of control eating but totally in control overeating. Going from feeling good and looking pretty ok in a nice slim dress to, "Screw you. I'll just spend the night with Ben. AND Jerry!" Ha, ha, real funny.
Except my friends would to hide their grimace while they tried to laugh with me. Those who know me best would know that I could actually be funny. But this was not one of those times. And it is so hard, as a friend, to know what to say or do, when someone you love is in pain, but also pissed off at the world. Those people are scary!
I could talk to my bestest friends about "it." But I usually didn't want to. So, some of them hung in there, being supportive when they could, and withholding judgment always. (As far as I know, anyhow- and that's good enough for me.)
WHEE (Weight, Health, Eating and Exercise) is a community support diary for Kossacks who are currently or planning to start losing, gaining or maintaining their weight through diet and exercise or fitness. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are working on your weight or fitness, please -- join us! You can also click the WHEE tag to view all diary posts.
The life force is what is saving me. It makes that newborn baby gasp and yowl. It enables the bright green shoulder of the sunflower to push up, sometimes from the sweet brown dirt, but also sometimes from the roadside sand. And so it goes.
I've lost, since Dec. 1, 2009, 20 pounds. As of today. And I'm real happy about that. But the coolest thing is how I'm feeling. Recovering and rediscovering an "ease of body" is an incredible joy.
So, how did I do it? Well, jot this down. Less calories, more exercise. Ha! Nothin' to it, right?
As mentioned, I was feeling desperate. So, I reached out for help. Serious help. Expensive help.
http://www.hhhealth.com/
Could I afford it? Not really. But I felt I couldn't afford not to do it. I felt that if I didn't get some help and make some positive changes in my life then... what was the point. Like I said, maybe you've been there. So, a couple years ago I spent 2 weeks at this place. Really, it is first class, but not in a ridiculously fancy way. It is a supportive environment that encourages healthy change, kind of like the WHEE community, but for 16 or so hours a day. Better food, too.
I got home, worked my program and enjoyed the positive results.
What a great summer! But oh, so fleeting.
Yeah, so it didn't work out. And that did not bring out the best in me...
But time passes, pain fades. It gets better.
So, I was finally ready to "rejoin the human race," as I put it to one friend. And for me that entailed another 2 week stint at Hilton Head. I was actually ashamed to let people know where I was going, embarrassed that I needed help. Again. Still. Maybe you've been there? Maybe you are there now?
A funny thing happened after I came back. I had spent 2 weeks eating healthfully, exercising quite a bit, facing up to difficult emotional issues and doing a little turbo charged bonding with other guests. I was feeling better, physically and mentally. It was a good thing I had a hold of. And, like good music and good food, it is more enjoyable when shared. So I did share, a bit, with those I trust and love and who I know love me. But I try not to proselytize. B-O-R-I-N-G.
But if anyone asks, this is what I say:
Of course, what you've just read (if you're still with me, thank you) is the sweetness and light version. A beautiful day, incredible light, spring is in the air. It wasn't/isn't all that simple. And I do have, way down deep, a gnawing fear that it won't "take" this time either. I haven't been a regular WHEE participant, mostly because I tend to devour (hmmm... interesting choice of words- kidding!) the rest of dailykos and don't tend to come across the WHEE diaries and don't have the habit it of seeking them out. At this moment I'd like to think that will change but I can't be sure how regularly I'll be joining you. We'll see.
I'd like to share this verse that ended a recent email from Wee Mama.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
All I can say is- Today I feel like one really cracked bell!