Once upon time in a magical land of Red, White and Blue,
There lived a Great Old Proud Elephant with something he believed
Only he could do:
Only me, Only me
said the elephant in glee
from the tip tippy top of his trunk
to the bottoms of his four stubby porky pig feet.
Only me, only me
Now, a great Unhappienes befell the people of this magical land
Like a thick sick fog or a really dead dog their Health became priced
way out of their hands.
Merchants cried and Mothers wept as state after state,
Man, woman and child saw the fate of their happiness disappear
Down a river wild: faith withered across the land as hope diminished
into ropes of sand.
I know, I know
declared the Grand Old Elephant with glee,
I have the only plan there is to stop this misery
Dumbfounded and amazed the people drew near:
Oh, tell us mighty Elephant, what is your plan?
The people asked with hats in hand.
The plan I have is pure and righteous Genius, we will wait, we will wait and move in increments of Peanuts!
"Peanuts?" cried the people, "Seem so very small, we need help! we need help for there is no help right now, at all.
The Elephant stood, looked at the people and winked:
TRUST me, Trust me, You must trust me,
The elephant stomped in glee from the tip, tippy top of his trunk
to the bottoms of his four porky pig feet.
Then a prince rode into the land riding a midway donkey
and no hat in hand. His wife and children rode by his side,
a scene of elegance, a scene of pride.
What's this? What's this?
Demanded the Prince with stately bearing and eloquence.
Who is this elephant in porky pig fee with a trunk so large and a smile so sweet?
"He is the elephant!" the people cried, "He wants us to wait right there by his side for peanuts that will make all wrong things right."
That's right! That's right!
Thundered the Elephant in glee from the tip, tippy top of his trunk
to the bottoms of his four porky pig feet.
Nonsense! Nonsense!
Replied the Prince with stately bearing and eloquence.
"We need more than peanuts to end this blight that makes grown men cringe
and little children cry!
We need reform and openness to many more choices and a place that is safe for the sound of ALL voices!
The people cheered but the Grand Old Elephant jeered and growled and made very strange noises like a garbage disposal with a hernia
or a duck whose tuck gets stuck in the cloisters.
"I'll tell you what upstart pup," the Elephant puffed and blustered, "I challenge you and your donkey crew to a duel at The Tower of Musters!"
Now, the Tower of Musters lay in the middle of the land: a house of conflicting flusters, a Theatre Absurd if ever a word could describe
the zeal for conflict or endless filibuster.
Level upon level as high as the sky, columns of wood, burnished for good
in the sunlight gleaming. The spiral staircase to the tower's top wound its way far into the clouds.
The Elephant snorted an elephant snort:
I'll meet you at the top Little Goober Sport and then I shall surely stomp your ass!
"Not a problem," replied the Prince with stately bearing and eloquence as the people of the land slowly gathered 'round the base of the Tower's foot.
I'm going to do what I feel is right and you oh mighty one will do what you smell is good
Said the Gallant Prince riding that Midway Donkey, setting it in motion with a quick well-timed nudge.
So, off the two opponents went riding and lumbering into the on the stairs into the clouds while the people gasped and shuttered but could not help but gather 'round.
I will win can't you see?
The Elephant belched in joyful glee from the tip tippy top of his trunk
to the bottoms of his four little porky pig feet.
HEE HEE HEE
At length, the two opponents stood upon the platform of all that was good: of all the things the people of the land believed should be for
ALL the people of the land.
"Now it is time," the Elephant jeered, "To stomp you into submissive fear." And before the Prince could ask about the rules, the Elephant pounced and thundered and smiled a drooled:
I will win, I will win why can't you see? I am the truth from the tip, tippy top of my trunk to the bottoms of my four little porky pig's feet
But the Prince astride his Midway Donkey, did not respond with fear. As the mighty Elephant advanced, the Prince slipped askance and dodged and weaved the beast's fretful leer.
Stand still, stand still you Goober Welp why can't you let me beat you?
It's not my plan Elephant Man, I did not come all the way up here just to greet you.
This angered the Elephant to no end, so he stomped and he stomped and still could not win. But the clever Prince not missing a step astride his faithful Donkey chose the right time to leap back to the stairway door while the Elephant continued to bluster...
and eventually, so they say, with the preponderance of his weight, the Mighty Elephant went crashing through the floor.
Down, down, down the great grey beast fell, steadily stomping and thumping and crashing through floor after floor after floor..
Until...
BAM!! He struck the Earth and a cloud of dust arose that choked the gathered crowd. And the people of the land once they had caught their breath looked at the great, yet still stomping elephant and gasped:
Truly, this is how an Elephant fought a Mule only to become a Jack Ass!
The End.