According to an article in Pink News http://www.pinknews.co.uk/... , the right-wing American Family Association wants the orca Tillikum, involved in the death of Sea World trainer Dawn Brancheau, stoned to death under biblical law. Tillikum pulled Brancheau into the water by her pony tail.
Bryan Fischer, of AFP is quoted as invoking the prescribed final solution for murderous animals from the Book of Exodus:
The Scripture soberly warns, if one of your animals kills a second time because you didn’t kill it after it claimed its first human victim, this time you die right along with your animal.
Now since Tillikum actually had killed one or two individuals on prior occasions, a correct interpretation of the Law of Moses would be that Tillikum's owners -- the board of directors of Sea World -- should be also stoned to death. Come now, Mr. Fischer, where is your faith?
But leaving that trivial inconvenience aside, I have the perfect Solomonic solution to this whale of a legal dilemma.
Long ago I had an Afghani friend who had worked as a practicing attorney during the brief period of liberalization in Afghanistan in the late 1970s. During this period, some very intelligent judges were appointed, with the difficult task of blending traditional Islamic and tribal law, with more modern western-style jurisprudence.
My friend told the story of one particular case that came before one such judge. The case involved the unfortunate situation of a man who had tried to kill himself by jumping off the top of a high tower. Tragically, however, the man landed on a boy, killing the boy, while the intended suicide victim survived.
Under Shariah, the Islamic law, if a man kills your son, you may demand the death of that man's son in retribution. An eye for an eye, the law is clear. Furthermore, it would hardly have been fair to only kill the actual culprit, since that man had tried to off himself anyway.
Therefore, the judge found himself confronted with a demand for innocent blood that had clear validity under the accepted law.
At that point, the judge channeled the wisdom of Solomon, and delivered a verdict that should serve as a model for all such predicaments. The judge declared that the murderer's son must indeed be put to death, but that the means of execution must be the same as that of the original crime. The aggrieved father would have to jump off the same tower onto the boy whose life he sought in vengeance.
Of course, the plaintiff father took a pass.
Now, a doctrinaire solution to the Tillikum case should be obvious. Tillikum must be stoned to death. But y'know, it's kinda hard to stone a killer whale to death, I mean with the whale in the water and all.
Were I to hear this case, my verdict would be clear: Mr. Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association should be personally responsible for hauling Tillikum out of the tank by the fins, using only his teeth, so the proper stoning procedure may be applied.
Case closed. Good luck, Mr. Fischer.