Tax time is here again, and if you're anything like me, you started early with the best of intentions and just finished up your taxes today (or, filed for an extention). No matter whether you have a fancy tax accountant to do the dirty work for you, or hide your assets in off-shore accounts (getting harder to do, I'm told--"Assets? What assets?") or are a plain-old work-for-a-living-and-do-my-own-taxes schmuck like me, Tax Day is stressful. There are frustrations, there are tears, there is the scramble for paperwork; there are tables, there are rates, there are the conversations with the flying plates (I wish I were in love again, I might have more deductions!) and at the end of the day, there is exhaustion, frustration and maybe even that "Whew, I just got it in under the wire" elation that only Tax Day can bring us.
So, in celebration of Tax Day, and by way of some suggestions for Cocktail Hour relaxation and perhaps even some recipes for spousal reconciliation after all that flying Spode, I present: "Commonmass' Tax-Day Mixology Madness"....over the proverbial fold....
NOTA BENE: This is a diary about cocktails, and is meant for adults only. Commonmass does not promote or approve of the irresponsible consumption of alcoholic beverages, or underage drinking. If you think you have a problem, or might have a problem with alcohol, help can be found HERE.
Here follows some recipes for cocktails I think might be appropriate for a little Tax Day relaxation at home. Combined with a designated driver or a cab, they are also suitable for enjoyment in your favorite pub, tavern, bar, or whatever your favorite watering hole is called in your area of the country. While I am not a professional mixologist, I have been a bartender in the past and am often called upon in my circle of friends and family to function as such at parties. I do, however, hold certification in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to sell and serve alcoholic beverages. Which, if you're familiar at all with our fair Commonwealth, doesn't mean much. I insinuate. You decide.
The Personal Deduction Martini
Martinis involve some combination of Gin and Vermouth. There is no such thing as a "Vodka Martini". Really. There isn't. This one involves high-proof Gin and an hommage to Winston Churchill, who was, let us not forget, not only a fan of the Martini but also half-American.
Chill a cone-shaped ("Martini") glass until frosty.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and a few fingers of Bombay Sapphire gin. Shake gently (otherwise you will "bruise" the gin, that is, disrupt the balance of essential oils that make it tasty and mellow) and set aside.
Working quickly, rinse the chilled glass with good French dry vermouth (I suggest Noilly-Prat) and, while thinking of Winston Churchill (who used to simply point the glass in the direction of France) pour the vermouth down the sink. Immediately rub the rim of the glass with a twist of lemon rind, put the rind in the glass and pour in the gin. Serve immediately.
(The Vermouth is meant for the nose, only, not for the palate, hense the rinsed glass. FDR preferred the old-fashioned "three parts gin to one part vermouth" formula. Which is great, if you like vermouth)
VARIANT: If you like olives, substitute them for the twist and don't waste your money on good gin. If you like cocktail onions, introduce them and you have a "Gibson". If you like dirty martinis, use the cheapest clear alcohol possible and a little olive brine. All you'll taste is olive juice. In this case, I recommend an Alka-Selzer chaser.
The Mortgage Deduction Manhattan
This Manhattan recipe is a Commonmass family tradition at holiday cocktail hours. It is responsible, in fact, for many incomplete sets of antique china, one famous interspousal spat and at least one broken chair at our gracious family homestead, "Grey Gardens 2.0". For a more traditional Manhattan, use bourbon. We find we break fewer chairs and plates with Rye, and step on fewer cats.
On the rocks: chill an Old-Fashioned glass. Otherwise, chill a cone-shaped glass.
In a cocktail shaker with plenty of ice, add a few fingers of Canadian Rye, one finger of good red Vermouth, a couple of dashes of cherry juice and a couple of dashes of bitters. Shake well.
Pour into glass and garnish with a cocktail cherry.
The Penalty Pisco Sour
This is a variant on the classic Pisco Sour.
Chill a cone-shaped glass.
In a cocktail shaker with plenty of ice, add two fingers of Pisco, a little triple-sec (because if you owe a penalty, you might not want to use up your Cointreau) a couple of fingers of fresh lime juice, a dash of Rosie's lime concentrate and half a raw egg white. Shake vigorously until foamy.
Pour into glass and serve right away. NOTE: Don't go back over your tax return after enjoying this cocktail, and resist the urge to have two.
For those of us on a more, shall we say, modest budget:
Granddad Commonmass' "Classic" Highball
Highball glass filled with ice (though Granddad never used ice, he was English.)
Two fingers of Burke and Barry or other bourbon
Fill up the remainder of the glass with a good quality ginger ale or ginger beer.
Stir with a vintage, glass swizzle stick and serve, optionally, with a wedge of lemon or lime.
For a "romantic" beverage to put aside all the spousal differences and perhaps open the door to reconciliation:
French 77
Here's a cocktail that I was sure was going to be repuslive until I actually had one about a decade ago in New Orleans. I served this at cocktail hour this past Easter to people who had never had one, and they liked it. For better effect, serve it just before a candle-light dinner:
For each cocktail, served in a flute glass allow:
One jigger of your best gin
One tablespoon of simple syrup
Decent champagne, spumante, cava or other dry sparkling wine.
Mix gin and simple syrup. Place in large Champagne flute and fill with Champagne or sparkling wine. Serve immediately, but in the spirit of reconciliation.
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So, folks, what are you serving for Tax Day? Discussion is open below.