Benji, a young gay man from Indiana was kicked out of the house by his father. Young people are thrown out of their homes every day across the country because their parents do not accept their sexual or gender identity. Photo: Lucky S. Michaels, via New York Times.
This site has been captivated by the story of a young man whose inadvertent disclosure of being gay has had some pretty traumatic and tumultuous consequences on his life. Many Kossacks reacted with shock, dismay and an astonishing displays of empathy and sympathy for the young man, and support for the amazing woman, his aunt, who stepped up and demonstrated real "family values" in action.
But to many in the LGBT community, this story was actually far from novel. If we did not ourselves have similar stories in our past, we certainly knew people who did. What becomes of those who aren't lucky enough to have a supportive place to go to? This week, GLBT and Friends at Daily Kos looks at the lives of LGBT teenagers in 2010, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Last week ABC's Ugly Betty, made history for, well, not making history. For several seasons, producers have obliquely teased the audience that Betty's teenage nephew Justin (played by Mark Indelicato, left) is gay. This show has sensitively dealt with the difficulties Justin's sexuality presents for him and his Latino family. This storyline culminated last week in a network TV first: a teenage male/male same-sex kiss. Many in the LGBT community cheered, but oddly, the usual suspects did not jeer. It was most remarkable for how little attention it actually drew.
In some ways, this was a very quiet triumph. Gone are the days where it is hotly debated whether teenage, LGBT/HIV activist Pedro Zamora "should be allowed" to live in the same house as others on MTV's "The Real World." Pedro's brave decision to put himself in the line of fire in 1993 helped usher in an era of young people who are increasingly nonchalant about the varying spectrum of human sexuality. We are seeing for the first time a generation of kids who may not actually "come out," in a traditional sense of having lived in any substantial time "in the closet." And we owe Pedro a debt of thanks for merely demonstrating gay people are really no different. No big deal.
But there is a sad, and wholly unintended side-effect of the LGBT communities efforts to de-stigmatize issues around sexuality, and it presents a new set of problems. Kids so young may be unprepared to deal with the familial and social consequences of coming out so young. Suicide rates may be as much as four times as high for these kids, according to The Trevor Project, a national crisis intervention hotline specifically targeting at-risk LGBTQI youth. The current average age of callers is now 15 and they expect that to drop in the next year to 14. Counselors struggle with a dilemma. There is the mission to affirm the kids' identity and their right to feel pride in themselves. But also, to be aware that kids of this age have a hard time foreseeing consequences of their actions. And announcing your proud new gay identity can come at a very high price for a teenager.
GLBT and Friends at Daily Kos invited Sassafras Lowrey, Editor of the Kicked Out Anthology, to share with us some insight into what becomes of the kids, who are not so lucky, as Constance McMillen or The Nephew as to find safe habor when their world falls apart. Here are her thoughts.
Over the past couple of weeks the news has been unusually saturated with stories about Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer (LGBTQ) teenagers. Like most people I've been following the story of the Itawamba County school district in Mississippi who made the decision to cancel the senior prom in response lesbian identified senior Constance McMillen's request to bring her girlfriend (also a student of Itawamba County Agricultural High School). The American Civil Liberties Union filed suit, and ultimately prevailed, the Judge agreeing the School Board had violated Constance's First Amendment rights, but declining to impose the remedy of reinstating the prom. About this time, news broke out of Derrick Martin of Cochran, Georgia, a senior at Bleckley County schools had asked for permission to bring his boyfriend to the senior prom. The school in part, a response to the outcry in Mississippi, gave an official okay.
Like most LGBTQ people I've been captivated by these news stories, and because I've dedicated my life to improving the lives of LGBTQ youth I was perhaps a little more interested than most. I'm the editor of an anthology released in January from Homofactus Press titled "Kicked Out" which is bringing together the voices of current and former homeless LGBTQ youth, as well as the perspectives of service providers with the overall goal of ending the epidemic of LGBTQ youth homelessness. As all the stories about prom were breaking in the news I'd been quietly thinking of ways in which to make a connection between schools discriminating against students for the gender of their prom dates, and the prevalence of queer teen homelessness and the oppression that those youth experience by schools and social service agencies alike. The problem? Someone made the connection for me in a way I would never wish upon anyone. Last week news came in that Derrick Martin’s parents had kicked him out of his home and that he was staying with a friend.
I know intimately what Derrick is going through. Eight years ago I was sleeping at a friends house because I had nowhere to go because I’m queer. Every contributor to Kicked Out knows the devastating feeling of losing your home and family because of who you are.
Overnight Derrick has become part of an epidemic of homelessness that impacts youth in every community across the country stretching across boundaries of race, class, religion, ethnicity, ability, and geographic region. The best statistics we have estimate that upwards of 40% of homeless youth in the United States identify as LGBTQ—and we know that number is likely much higher because youth like Derrick and I who survive through couch surfing seldom end up being counted in those statistics.
In America there is an epidemic of parents so driven by their own homophobia and transphobia that they will quite literally throw their children away. These are young adults who have done nothing wrong other than be open about who they are, and have suffered immeasurable consequences for that honesty.
There are a lot of stereotypes about who homeless youth are, and why they became homeless. When people think about homeless youth they think about teenagers who are "out of control" and who are causing pain to their families by running away. In reality, these are young people who are doing the best they can to survive in situations that are often at best unprepared for their specific needs, and at worst downright hostile.
Frequently school officials and child welfare agencies are ill-equipped to handle sexual and gender minority youth. In my own experience being kicked out in rural Oregon my school and the county courts were useless. The victim’s advocate assigned to me by the court suggested that my best hope was to "find God, and repent."
But homeless LGBTQ youth are not alone; there are an ever-growing number of fantastic organizations across the country that are working tirelessly to meet the unique physical and emotional needs of homeless LGBTQ youth. These organizations are as diverse as the youth they serve—two fantastic organizations (who were both contributors to Kicked Out) are The Circus Project in Portland Oregon which is an incredibly unique program that gives homeless youth an opportunity to learn circus arts, and Sylvia’s Place a program of MCCNY Homeless Youth Services in NYC which is an emergency shelter for homeless LGBTQ youth. Last year alone the shelter provided services to over 800 of some of the most marginalized LGBTQ homeless youth in the city.
All of the programs serving homeless LGBTQ youth from major cities to small towns are under funded and being asked to do more with less and less, and sometimes there just isn’t any money. During production on Kicked Out one of the shelters (GLASS in LA) was forced to close, and nearly every program I know has a waiting list in order to access services.
There have been offers from all over the country of LGBT people (and allies) offering to buy limos and tuxes for Derrick and Constance’s proms. My hope is that this community will rally together to offer Derrick the financial and emotional support he’s going to need not just for prom, but in the long term for him and the thousands of other homeless LGBTQ youth on the streets and couches of America today. It’s fun and easy for our community to come together and throw a grand party (and honestly is there a better party than prom?) but putting money towards improving the lives of the estimated 640,000 homeless youth who identify as LGBTQ can make the difference between life and death. These are some of our communities most vulnerable members and the need all the help they can get.
See the resources list below for links to places to donate money, or volunteer your time.
Regardless of how sensitive staffs are to the needs of homeless LGBTQ youth, there is no way to prevent their mainstream counterparts from targeting them because of their sexual or gender identities. Any displays of gayness or queerness can be invitations to harassment or signify them as an easy "mark" for crime. For this reason Lucky S. Michaels, program director of MCCNY Homeless Youth Services which operates Sylvia's Place, sees the need for LGBTQ-specific services and often sees youth reluctant to avail themselves to mainstream homeless services, choosing the streets instead.
And there are an estimated 3,800 LGBT homeless youth in New York City alone, Carl Siciliano, executive director of the Ali Forney Center, an organization that provides emergency and transitional housing to this population, paints a bleek picture of life for these kids. He told the New York City's Indypendent in 2009:
"I don’t think there is any other situation where so much oppression and persecution and cruelty is happening to people because they’re gay," Siciliano said. "These kids are bearing the brunt of homophobia in our society." Siciliano has been working with LGTB youth since the mid-1990s. "Every couple of months one of our kids would get murdered on the streets," Siciliano said. "They were just in this ground zero of danger."
It's remarkable that so many parents can live with themselves after the decision to throw away their own children to a fate such as this. It's remarkable that entire communities turn a blind eye on a parent's decision to do so. Can these parents show their face in Church? Can they attend a local block party, absent their child, as though nothing has happened? Are they not shamed publicly by their own shameful behavior? Does the thought of their child sleeping on the street, trading sex for survival not haunt them?
Coincidentally, just this week, Martie Maguire and Emily Robison of the Dixie Chicks released a song, "Ain't No Son," that addresses just this topic. The song is about a father turning his back his gay son. Emily Robison spoke to CMT about the song:
"I turned the TV on, and it was A&E or one of those documentary kind of shows about these poor teenage kids who are devastated that their parents won't let 'em stay in the house because they found out they were gay," she explains. The lines, 'You ain't no son to me/Eight pound baby boy I bounced on my knee' were around from the very beginning. That idea, how can you have kids and love them so much and one day decide not to -- it just boggled my mind."
The song was greeted enthusiastically by the LGBT community, for putting this topic into the national dialogue. The top-rated comment on the Youtube release page, from a person with the handle GaySonMom says:
Thanks Girls for being brave enough to tackle this problem.
A parent that doesn't love their child after they come out then they never actually loved them before. They loved the idea of who they thought their child was, but NOT their real child.
We love and support our awesome son since he came out exactly as we did before - he is the same person we have always loved.
The girls performed the song at South by Southwest Festitval as part of Americana Showcase at Antone's in Austin, Texas last week. (Apologies, the only video available cuts off prematurely.)
The lyrics:
He said you ain't no son to me
You ain't no son to me
Eight pound baby boy I bounced on my knee
No, you ain't no son of mine
You ain't no son of mine
Aw, forget it girls there ain't no use in trying
Don't expect to get my love for free
When you're the one who turned your back on me
Don't blame me
Don't blame me
Don't blame me
Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame, shame indeed.
This weeks' diary compiled by Clarknt67, with contributions from Sassafras Lowrey and Lucky Michaels.
RESOURCES:
• Sylvia's place is run by the Metropolitan Community Church's Homeless Youth Services. Information on in-kind donations, and volunteer opportunities is there. Donations can be made via Paypal here. The shelter is named for it's founder, Sylvia Rae Rivera (1951-2002), who was a veteran of the Stonewall Riots and an LGBT/drag queen activist. Sylvia's Place director Lucky Michaels' blog is here, and his book, Shelter, can be purchased from Amazon.
• The Circus Projectof Portland, OR, works to enable homeless and at-risk youth to develop their physical and emotional integrity, by providing intensive skill training in circus and performing arts, with an emphasis on empowerment, personal development, and relationship building. Donation, volunteer information here.
• The city of Seattle, WA first committed to a dedicated program targeting LGBT youth in crisis in 2003, its budget for 2010 was about $150,000.
• A Paypal account benefiting Derrick Martin is here. There is also a Facebook page of support here that can keep you up to date on news of his life.
• The ACLU's Facebook Fan Page of support for Constance McMillen. It currently has more than 422,000 fans. It's worth checking out for all the heartwarming messages of support. And do not leave the page, without checking the photo gallery. Fans have turned it into something of a scrapbook of happy people of all persuasions enjoying their prom.
• Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-Flag) is a wonderful national organization, and an excellent resource for families looking for help. They can take credit for healing many, many, broken families. They offer many ways to support LGBT people and their families.
• The Trevor Project is a national helpline, with offices across the country. They accept donations here where information on volunteering can be found as well.
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The WGLB ActBlue page is up and active. The five winners were added in addition to two honorable mentions. The first week NY Senator Kirsten Gillibrand was chosen with 33 out of a total of 78 votes. The second week Senator Barbara Boxer of California was selected with 13 of 52 votes. The third week we chose Ted Ankrum for Representative with 16 of 44 votes cast. The fourth week we selected Jennifer Brunner for US Senate in Ohio with 25 of 71 votes. And last week we selected Billy Kennedy for Representative from NC with 12 of 29 votes cast (running against lunatic Virginia Foxx). Elaine Marshall, Senate candidate from NC and Elizabeth (Libby) Mitchell, running for Governor of ME, were added as honorary candidates. If any of these selected candidates end up in easy reelection bids, we will remove them from our ActBlue fundraising page so we can focus our efforts where they will make the greatest impact. Thanks.
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Have you signed our petition to encourage the World Cup organizers to honor Eudy Simelane and all of the South African women who have suffered "corrective rape" at the hands of homophobic thugs? The 2010 FIFA World Cup is being held in South Africa and Eudy was raped and murdered in part for her love of the game of soccer/football and in part for her living an open life as a lesbian. We're only at 131 signers to date. PLEASE take a second and add your voice!