I don't really know what it is, but I am feeling older lately. Just, I don't know, older. Getting a little older everyday, baby. I can feel my bones and muscles ache slightly, definitely moreso than they did even 5 years ago, and my ankles hurt every morning when I creak my way out of bed and slowly pad my way to the potty.
It kind of sucks, this mortality thing. This getting gray hair and wrinkles thing. This being closer to dying than to being born thing.
But ya know what fucking rocks? What puts a smile on my face like nothing else on Earth?
Kids.
Hot damn, I love kids. I wasn't always like this, you know. Before I had my daughter, I was absolutely terrified of children of all ages, but babies especially. Before I had my own, I passed on holding my friends' newborns and babysitting for neighbors and all of that stuff.
Truly, I was an idiot. Geez, I had no idea what I was missing out on. I really, honestly didn't know.
Little Shiz turned 10 yesterday. Like all parents, I am convinced that my offspring is Everything Important and Awesome™ because, ya know, she is. :P Little Shiz is bright and funny and engaging and intuitive and kind and fun and interesting and ahead of her time.
I know this last bit because of an intense political discussion we got into tonight. Little Shiz has alerted me in the past that she hates politics and, mostly, that's 100% true for her. The chick is 10. She is way more interested that she's going to Water World with her dad this weekend. Talk about swimming? Good. Talk about Barack Obama? Bad.
Of course, she's now in those "tween" years, which necessitate me giving her more time and space than I want to, but which are very important to her Little Shiz development. So she wanted to dance in the living room tonight, alone for a bit, and I went into my bedroom to (duh) check Daily Kos.
I saw that diary about the federal judge in Boston ruling that the gay marriage ban (under DOMA) is "unconstitutional", and I just unconsciously started hooting and hollering. I even gave Arsenio Hall his due. I sat down and stared. I smiled. I thought to myself, "This is effing EXCELLENT! This is PROGRESS!"
Little Shiz came running into the room. "What, Mom? What?!"
Me (Big Shiz): Honey, it's a political thing. Are you sure you wanna know?
LS: Yes! Tell me!
BS: OK. A judge in Massachusetts said that gay people can get married there and stuff.
LS: (Long pause) What? I don't get it.
BS: Well, gay rights is an important issue for me, honey. You know how I feel about gay people having equal rights, right? Remember when D (my female ex-partner) and I were together for all those years?
LS: (looking confused) Yeah? So?
BS: I don't think anyone should tell either of us that we can't marry another girl. Do you?
LS: No. That's stupid. That's nobody else's business.
BS: Exactly! So I'm happy that this judge in Massachusetts decided the same thing I've been feeling and thinking all these years.
LS: (slowly) OK. But why?
BS: What do you mean "why"? Because gay people are just the same as everybody else!
LS: (rolling her eyes) I totally know that already, Mom.
BS: Babe, the courts are slow in catching up to what lots of us know already. Gay people deserve the same rights as everyone else.
LS: (still confused) But what is the big issue? I don't get it. I really don't.
BS: Am I talking over your head here?
LS: Yeah, probably a little bit.
BS: Alright, here's the thing. (Thinking of how to phrase this differently.) Remember when you learned about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? And what great work he did with civil rights?
LS: Yes.
BS: It's kind of the same here, but not exactly. Think of this as something Dr. King wanted for black people. Does that help you at all?
LS: (frowning) No. How is that the same?
BS: I'll tell you how. Because MLK had been fighting for equality for minorities for years, right? And he was killed because of it, right?
LS: Yes.
BS: Well, the fight is similar, but not exactly the same. Now, instead of black people getting beaten up and stuff, gay people are getting beaten up and stuff. This is a civil rights issue too, honey. It's just slightly different.
LS: (thinking it through) OK. That makes sense.
BS: Today, gay people just won a huge victory. Do you know anything about wars?
LS: No, not really.
BS: We just won a major battle, LS! Now, it'll be OK for other states to let gay people marry, and give them equal rights all over the place, and all of that truly great stuff!
LS: (tentative) So why don't they have that already?
BS: Because not everyone is as cool as you, me, and the judge!
LS: (angry) That is NOT OK, Mom! Unacceptable!
BS: (inwardly smiling) You're right, it's not. And that's why I'm happy. Do you understand now?!
LS: (sheepish) No, I still don't. This entire thing seems pretty stupid to me. What the heck does anyone else care what gay people do? That's dumb. This whole thing is dumb. Why is it that only one state in 50 thinks this way? I don't get it! I thought we were supposed to be The United States of America! United, not divided! Why isn't it Colorado instead of Massachusetts, huh?! This makes me really mad.
BS: (beaming) You are SO my daughter.
LS: (aghast) Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it, dude. Mom! MOM! STOP HUGGING ME!
I hugged her for as long as she would let me, which was about 3 seconds. Then I went into the bathroom and cried.
My daughter is magical. She doesn't care what you look like, she cares about what you do. She doesn't care that you may have a disability, but she wants to help you. She does not see skin tone or sexuality or disability or cultural differences. She has been taught to be accepting and loving and helpful and to use all of her powers for Good, not Evil.
Little Shiz sees love, and she sees hate, and she most definitely knows which one is which.
I am a proud Mama Bear today.