We know what Tea Partyism is about: Fear and anger based on racism and bigotry, and hatred of Wall Street for enriching itself at our expense, instead of letting us enrich ourselves at the expense of others. You can tell by decoding the public messages, and reading what they say when nobody seems to be listening. What they want most is to get rid of all non-Real-Americans: Liberals, feminists, LGBTs, minorities, furriners. (Maybe teenagers, too. Certainly the uppity ones.) Then they won't have to pay for government services for the undeserving, and especially for immoral, unChristian services.
But the rest of us aren't going away, so what could we offer instead? I have an idea: let's take them at their word.
Let's cut all the taxes and spending, and save real money
Just for them, I mean.
The rest of us continue more or less as before, but without them in the way. Let's see how far they get with no individual government services at all, just whatever they can afford in the private market.
Ideally, we would conduct this experiment in Texas, leaving 49 other states to get on with real life. But we can't. So let's see what we could do.
The basic Libertarian and Tea Party political principles are simple.
The rest of their principles are private, and are stated in terms of personal responsibility and family obligations. That's their problem.
Well, as I suggested in the Intro, what if we were to take them at their word? Our model being Union General Butler, who took slaveowners at their word that fugitive slaves were their property, and that the Fugitive Slave Act ordered their return, but confiscated them as contraband of war, because the Confederacy had made its choice. But don't tell the TPers that. And no matter what, nobody mention the climactic "World without sin" scene in Joss Whedon's Serenity.
Are we ready, then? Now where's my megaphone? Shh. OK, here we go.
Tea Party people of the United States, I come to offer you your fondest dream: complete liberty with no Federal government tyranny, and your own free markets for everything you like.
You don't want to pay taxes? Fine. You're a Libertarian, and we can't make you do anything? Equally fine. You have a rooted religious objection to paying for abortions for sinners? ¡No problemo!—Oops, sorry, I forgot. Yeah, no problem.
Only one restriction. You can't pick and choose which government programs you'll pay for. (Of course, you are free to sign up for private services to replace them, if you can.) Everything that Congress has voted into the US Code, and all of the bureaucratic regulations, or nothing at all. And a similar deal with your state, if any of them will have you. Because becoming a citizen of a state is not automatic with Federal citizenship.
We are going to create two classes of US citizenship, Slave and Free. You get to be Free, and you can stand aside and watch the Slaves pursue their own doom without getting dragged down in it. If you like, you can consider that we have two countries, one with the original Constitution, and one with whatever the activist courts want to turn it into. So you can treat the rest of us as filthy European-style furriners.
Oh, I almost forgot. Take the national anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, with you. "Land of the Free", and all that. We'll pick something else. Something suitably Slavish, and statist, and Liberal, and Socialist, and so on, like This Land is Your Land.
At this point, we have perhaps 18% of the US population considering our offer, if the CBS/NYT poll of the Tea Parties is correct. Assuming that only devoted anti-tax, anti-abortion, anti-a-few-other-things citizens are that serious about it. Of course, it may be nobody at all, if they notice that them opting out won't prevent the rest of us from funding social programs for the poor. Depending on the political arrangements that go with this deal, we could suddenly find that the core of the Party of No has gone its own way, and the rest of us no longer have to fight filibusters in order to get Progressive legislation through. But that's tricky. If we're too obvious about that, they won't take the bait.
Of course, since you're opting out of the Federal government, and maybe state and local government as well, you don't get to vote on what happens with taxpayer money, but you must still have a vote on whatever proposals and candidates rise up among yourselves. Would you prefer a privatized, fee-based government for all of you, based on the original US Constitution, or would you prefer to have a branch of the existing Federal government all to yourselves in a corner of some Federal office building? You'll have to pay election fees in either case, of course.
You don't want President Ron Paul and Vice President Rand Paul (It's OK, they live and work in different states.) presiding over a second full-scale administration, I assume, but you could work out a title, and Ron's duties could consist of saying, "Sure, you can do that, as long as you don't hurt anybody." Ron won't have any tax money to spend, and he won't have a huge bureaucracy or any of the rest of that.
I would find it quite amusing to watch our current Republican and Blue Dog politicians deciding whether to remain and fight a rearguard action in the "Slave" Congress, with its taxpayer-supported privileges, or to bolt immediately to the "Free" Congress. I will propose that we encourage them to switch over by letting them do it without the bother of an election, and then it will be up to them and the newly-elected members to set the rules after that, within the bounds of the original Constitution.
It would be even funnier to watch Federal Court judges, especially the Right wing of the Supreme Court, making the same decision.
Now, unfortunately, until everybody else joins you, you are going to have to register for this option and carry always-visible ID that shows that you have an unrestricted right to carry guns, and don't have to pay income tax, capital gains tax, death tax, sales tax, cigarette tax, gasoline tax, property tax, whiskey tax, whatever tax, and that you have accepted the privileges and obligations of that choice. And you will have to post your property. But we'll fix it so that you don't have to register with the government. We'll let anybody who wants to set up a private registry, and then we won't regulate them in any way. Except the standard no-violence, no fraud rules. I mean, you'll still have property law and contract law to fall back on. But you'll want private enforcement for those, won't you?
So
- No public schools for your children. That's fine, you don't want them in desegregated, multicultural, secular schools anyway.
- You'll need to sign up with private gas, water, electricity, and sewer services, which you prefer.
- No police. Private security for you. Yes, you're supposed to be protected from violence, but why would you want an oppressive government to do it? That's just Statism.
- No fire department, except to keep your house from setting the neighbors' on fire. But feel free to hire someone.
- No consumer protections for you. As far as you are concerned, the companies you deal with are totally unregulated. They don't have to honor warranties or even take your phone calls unless it's in an explicit contract. In fact, they can take your money and not deliver any product at all, or a product that fails to meet any standard of quality. Of course, if they break a contract or defraud you, you can take them to your private court system for judgment.
- No Postal Service. We'll let private services set up to carry your mail for whatever fee they feel like charging. And we won't regulate them, either, so they will be perfectly free to look at your mail or sell others copies of what you send and receive.
- No roads, since you won't be paying gasoline tax. Well, maybe we can work out a fee schedule.
- You can't trademark, patent, or copyright anything, unless with a private registry. How they would enforce that, I don't know. But the market will solve that, right?
- You can have all the guns you want for concealed or open carry, but you have to wear your no-tax ID so that it is always visible. You can carry them on other people's private property, such as restaurants and bars, only with permission. In fact, any citizen can deny you entry to private property for any reason. Slave businesses are free to discriminate against the Free just as Free businesses are free to discriminate against Slaves. Real estate, likewise.
- No tax-supported public transportation facilities, including busses, subways, trains, or airports, except on payment of fees.
- You can do anything you like with your own personal property, but you cannot call on the EPA or other Federal agencies to protect it. We might have to argue whether the NTSB will investigate crashes on your private airlines. Nah, the airline with the crash will just pay all expenses. Personal responsibility, right? You wouldn't have it any other way.
Now, of course, since you aren't paying taxes, you don't get any subsidies either.
- If you live out in the country, you have to pay full rate for telephone service, not the subsidized rate that city dwellers get dinged for.
- No farm subsidies or price supports, of course, which includes crops, and also water supplied through government-constructed waterways unless you pay full price. No agricultural extension services, except by fee.
- No business subsidies, either directly or passed through. You have to pay the unsubsidized cost for petroleum products, for example.
This offer to let people opt out from taxes is obviously not available to corporations, which are creatures of the state, wholly dependent on government authority for their existence and powers, and therefore rightly subject to taxes in exchange for limited liability and other privileges. If Freepers want to work for a Slave corporation, they will be required to sign a binding contract, with penalties, accepting the government's right to tax the corporation, and to prevent corporate fraud or violence. Sole proprietorships, no problem. Freepers will be able to form partnerships, but only using contracts, not government support.
Of course, if they figure out a way to create their own corporations, under no authority but their own, and without any existing Federal or state law governing them, why not? But such Freeper corporations must disclose that fact in every communication with Slaves. Unless they don't want to do business with us. What they can tell Freepers is up to the Freepers.
There are a few other important matters that we need to iron out. For example, you want your God-given Rights. You got 'em. There can be no argument there.
- Religious freedom
- Free speech
- Free press
- No, you don't need freedom to assemble and petition the Slave government. You opted out. You can assemble and petition—well, you'll have to figure out how that works.
- Habeas Corpus
- No unreasonable searches and seizures
- Freedom from self-incrimination
- Speedy and public trials—Wait—Who's paying for the courts? Oh, right, fee for service, in fact, a completely private court system. We'll bill you. Sorry, they'll bill you.
- We can discuss what else to add.
Still, government can't give you any rights, so we'll leave that between you and God.
I think this is coming along really nicely. This is such a deal! But wait, there's more!
- If you don't have a contract with a person, that person is under no obligation of any kind to you. Right? You can have protection from violence and fraud, but nothing else.
- If you want to travel or work outside the US, you will have to get appropriate papers from some private company. Other governments are free to recognize them or not, just as governments are free today to recognize other governments or not. Some Native American First Nations issue their own passports, which are not widely accepted. You can ask them how to work around that.
- Similarly, you don't get to use US Embassies or Consulates, Trade Representatives, or any other officials of the US government to aid you in dealing with other governments.
- Oh, one last thing. No fiat money from the US Mint, Federal Reserve, Bureau of Engraving and printing; no services from banks chartered by US or state governments except on payment of fees. You can buy Slave stocks and bonds, but you have to sign contracts that will go with them allowing the Slave government to to tax them. Better get to work on those Free Corporations and that gold-backed money. You might want to stock up on jewels and other precious metals, too.
Have fun!
Note: This essay is based in part on a legend about GM management. The story goes that the bean-counters had made up a list of unprofitable factories to be closed, but the top people were getting nervous about how deep the cuts had been going. The conversation went around for a time, and then stalled, as nobody could see how to argue against the proposal. Finally, one manager piped up, "I know. Let's close all of the plants. Then we'll save real money!" This broke through the mood of helplessness, and the closures were laughingly rejected.
Further note: Science Fiction writers have imagined Libertarian societies of various kinds and various degrees of implausibility, usually as splinters or offshoots of a larger society, or as rebellions within an oppressive society. The Libertarian Futurist Society gives an annual Prometheus Award to such works. Examples include
- The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein
- And Then There Were None, by Eric Frank Russell
Source of TANSTAAFL, There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
- Fallen Angels, by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle, and Michael Flynn
- The Ungoverned, republished in Across Realtime, by Vernor Vinge
Read at your own risk. The writing quality ranges from very fine, in the examples above, to appalling, and most of the tales make no sense if examined too closely. Mine, you may have noticed, makes no sense either. There's a reason for that.