Welcome to this week's Quote the Ravin', a round-up of amusing and inspirational quotes that were augered out from these here series of tubes on the internets. Just remember when you clear a drain, sometimes you get a diamond ring, sometimes you get a bunch of greasy hair and maybe a condom. Just saying.
I'll be posting this every Tuesday, at least until the Verizon/Google deal starts to charge you 53 cents to read it, whereas I predict that the 12 people that do come here will dramatically fall off. Providing at least 54 cents of content every week could be tough, but I'll have to say Hollywood celebrities like Sarah Palin made it a lot easier this week. Let's begin:
We are entering the final three months of the campaign with momentum and full communications unit poised to spread Sharron Angle's message of cutting wasteful spending and bringing jobs back to Nevada.
—Former communications director Jordan Gehrke, who was replaced last week by Jordan Agen. Agen's strategy? Keep Angle from saying anything to the press. Way to stop the bleeding.
On September 11, 2001, thousands of first responders heroically rushed to the scene and saved tens of thousands of lives. More than 400 of those first responders did not make it out alive. In rushing into those burning buildings, not one of them asked ‘What God do you pray to?’ ‘What beliefs do you hold?’
—NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg on the moving forward of the controversial Muslim center Cordoba House.
So, this week, I am going to return to the ADL the handsome medal and the generous honorarium that came with it. I hope this might spur them to see that they have made a mistake and to return to their historic robust defense of freedom of religion in America, something they have subscribed to for decades and which I honor them for.
—Fahreed Zakaria protesting the Anti-Defamation League's condemnation of Cordoba House by giving back an award and $10,000 he had previously been rewarded by them.
But this writing is terrible, I mean it is the most banal turns of page.
—Stephen Colbert mocking Laura Ingraham to her face on his show about her fictional first person book, The Obama Diaries.
Tomorrow is Obama’s birthday, not that we’ve seen any proof of that … What?
—Rush Limbaugh. I'm still waiting for Limbaugh to prove he's a human being.
Yeah but I think I won’t scoop myself. We’ll be making that announcement in late September.
—Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), refraining from revealing what the Republican plan is beyond bashing gays and immigrants if they should win the majority in Congress. Not gays and immigrants, the Republicans.
I don't even know what Anthony Weiner is talking about, he is just screaming, and it's such a turnoff.
—Former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, telling us how she likes her Weiner.
John Harris basically says that the product his newspaper — "John Harris' POLITICO Blog Of Campaign Press Releases And Political Hullabaloo"—will be putting out in the next year will be totally useless to actual Americans.
—Jason Linkins, who writes for "The Huffington Post Celebrity Nipple Slip and Baby Bump News Aggregate."
He's the guy that usually, when I release my books at the same time, he's number two.
—Glenn Beck, about Stephen King, who has sold an estimated 300 million books more than Beck has. Don't get me wrong, Beck is scarier, hands down.
Most of the American people are in a much different place. They see Islamists advancing, they are beginning to grasp that Islamists (not just terrorists but the whole Islamist movement) mean to change us in very fundamental ways, and therefore they understand that every such advance is a defeat for freedom. Every advance emboldens a determined enemy to press ahead. Over time, we could be conquered in that our way of life would be drastically altered.
—Andrew McCarthy on the National Review Online's The Corner, winning the difficult Paranoid Writer of the Year Award for 2010, and there's a good four months left in the year. Congratulations, Andrew.
Even if Cordoba House thrives two blocks from Ground Zero, there’s still a lot that would need to happen before America was “conquered.” Or do I have that wrong?
—Jonah Goldberg on The Corner. When "Mr. Liberal Fascism" is the voice of reason, something is wrong.
No. No. You’re assuming that there is some morally superior aspect to health care than there is to a house.
—Rush Limbaugh to William Shatner on Raw Nerve. Apparently, you can take it with you. Limbaugh believes in the less well known hypocritic oath.
You're certainly not representing Alaska any more.
—Homer, Alaska resident Kathleen Gustafson, in answer to Sarah Palin's question "How am I a celebrity?" Gustafson protested Sarah Palin's takeover of a public dock to film the TV show Sarah Palin's Alaska by putting up a banner that said "Worst Governor Ever" that Palin's entourage ended up tearing down.
As long as they're on their reservations — we furnished electricity, air conditioning — now if they want to live like their culture demands, then we'll take away all their electricity and all their furnishings and all of that, and they can live like they want to.
—Tennessee Gubernatorial moonshot candidate June Griffin, who apparently wants to go to war with sovereign nations. No word as to how the lack of electricity and air conditioning will affect casino profits.
It is unnatural…an older white guy handed down the decision and he happened to be gay. That might have had something to do with it.
—Pat Buchanan, saying that Judge Vaughn Walker's ruling against Proposition 8 showed bias because of his sexual orientation. Buchanan didn't speculate whether heterosexual judges who rule against gay marriage are biased as well.
You can't raise kids with four adults. So thanks for the help, Grandma and Grandpa, you're totally gay.
—Stephen Colbert, referring to a comment from Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council lumping gay relationships in with polygamy. Sigh.
[I]t is extraordinary damaging to our citizens, our family members, our brothers, our sisters, our coworkers and our neighbors when they are labeled second class citizens. When the state of California, as it did in this case, enshrined in its constitution a separate status for certain of its citizens, it did immeasurable harm.
—Conservative Attorney and Proposition 8 opponent Ted Olson, who owned Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday at every turn. If you haven't watched the whole segment and you have any interest in the issue, I highly recommend it.