Everyone I have ever put faith in or respected has turned out to be an asshole for one reason or another.
The most recent incident is Dr. Howard Dean calling the Mosque an 'affront to the victims of 9/11'. This is the man who I defended against Rahm Emmanuel's vicious comments against the left and wrote angry emails to Obama demanding that they apology.
Of course no apology came.
I volunteered to help Jennifer Brunner and was outraged when she was accused of 'having sour grapes' and 'threatening to sabotage the democratic candidate'. Only she did. She quite recently used PUMA terminology on her web page.
I supported Barack Obama a great deal. I forgave him for the FISA capitulation act. I tolerated his inaction for the first year of the health care bill. I accepted the abandonment of the public option. Then he did some things I find unacceptable, but at least I thought he had depth.
Then he flip flopped on the same day about the Mosque.
I mean, I know I have flaws. I was raised in a delusional religion so ridiculous that to hear it summarized from an outside perspective makes it difficult not to giggle. I believed Republican delusions about free markets and the efficacy and meaning of our Constitution and how all these American ideals meant something.
And it was all lies.
But I at least had faith in the American people. And then Scott Brown showed that the people of this country really are the petty thugs they show in horror movies, you know; the ones who take food from starving children at the slightest drop of a hat?
I've gotten over a lot of things. I am somehow, much to my surprise, still finding good in humanity, despite knowing what they really are. I still admire some things about our leaders, despite their rather gaping flaws.
I don't expect perfection, but damn....this is just....sad. VERY. VERY. SAD.
What it really means to me is that I'm not really convinced there is anyone left defending of anything any more. Groups maybe, like the innocent moderate muslims being dragged through the mud by Republicans, Barack Obama or Dr. Howard Dean, with a phd in Hypocritology.
Or GLBT citizens, who by dint of being born have to deal with absolute injustice and a society that pretends like it isn't.
Maybe I'm being to ridiculous expecting people to admit their mistakes when I can admit mine. I was a moron. I believed moronic things. I got better.
Is it really insane to expect that others can to? Obama has admitted mistakes, which still makes him better than Bush, but he's letting Bush get away with the most outrageous crimes of all.
Nuremburg was supposed to MEAN something. It was supposed to mean that war criminals did NOT get away with it, and that you were hunted down for decades if that was what it too. We tried media propogandists in the Nazi war machine. Being 'bagdad bob' was enough to get you tried if you were a Nazi.
Apparently we don't take war crimes that seriously any more, including people that fail to prosecute them. And if we don't take war crimes seriously, that means the whole system is meaningless. That means I DO believe the 'crazies' who say that the vote machines are hacked, because I see what people and our leaders are capable of.
Despite it all, I'm still going to vote, and even write the occasional letter or the occasional blog. But as to why?
I have absolutely no idea.
Maybe out of the hope that someone with more power or ability than I do can maybe change something somehow.